|
As a working mother I often feel like I am
trying to juggle five plates, but I can only
keep four plates up in the air, so one is
always crashing down. But the one falling
is not always the same one. So one month I will
get enough exercise but find that I am neglecting
something at work, then the next month I'll achieve
a work goal but leave my spouse feeling dumped
on, and another time my spouse and I will get some
quality time but feel guilty because our kids are yet
again with a babysitter.
I try to put the kids first most of the time,
but I also try to remember some wisdom I
received from a mentor early in my career as
a mom. She suggested that I think about the
kids being in childcare as sharing my children
with the universe. When I see the loving
relationship between my two year old and his
daycare provider, and how much she enjoys her
time with him, I feel good that we can share
the joy of his two-year-old self with this warm and
caring person.
One of my favorite stories about balance is the
story of a physician who worked in public health.
She was investigating an outbreak of food
poisoning, and purchased some fast food to test
to see if it was the source of the outbreak.
Then she got a call from her kids' school, saying
the school was closing early and she needed to
go pick them up. She stopped to do an errand
on the way home, leaving the kids in the car for
a few minutes. When she got back to the car, she
was dismayed to see her kids happily enjoying
the test food. Since her kids did not get sick, she
was able to rule it out as the source of the
outbreak!
This story makes me laugh, reminds me that the
difficulty with balance is a universal problem for
working moms, and makes me thankful that it was
not MY kids eating the test food! Although there are
rare days when the plates magically all stay up in the
air, I think coping with the demands of work and
family is made easier by the following:
1. Expect that things will not always balance.
2. Do your best to maintain a sense of humor.
3. Knowing that this time will pass all too quickly,
remember to count your blessings!
On especially stressful days, my children and I
make a game of counting our blessings together,
usually in the car on the way to school or a class to
which we are running late. My kids help me
enumerate the things for which we are thankful:
A car that gets us where we want to go, the trees
bursting with spring flowers, good food to eat,
work that I enjoy, a great kindergarten teacher, a
loving family.... This exercise does not change the
external reality of our overcommitted lives, but it does
give us mental balance by providing much needed
perspective, and changing the mood of our time
together from stressful to fun and appreciative.
Meet the author, Rena Seltzer, ACSW
Rena is a personal and professional coach who
brings to her sessions a sense of humor, the
ability to listen deeply, and a complete focus
on her client's goals. She has supported
physicians toward goals including moving from
employment to private practice, managing
difficult patients with caring and limits, and
balancing work and family. She also presents
workshops on physician-patient relationships,
and on medical culture. Rena resides in Ann
Arbor, Michigan, with her physician partner and
two young children. Rena coaches by telephone
and can be contacted at (734) 665-4885
or Rseltzer@aol.com.
|