"I have been seriously thinking about a medical degree for some time, I have been too scared to discuss this with my husband. I have a 3 month old son and my husband sees me just as his mother, how can I obtain the support I need to pursue this career?" CN - Los Angeles, CA (August 1999)

ANSWER 1
As the husband of a third year resident with two children, I can tell you that you cannot do this without intensive support at home, whether it be from extended family or your husband. (We do not consider child care an acceptable substitute for ourselves) Before you decide on a Medical career, ask young female doctors if they would do it again. The field has changed so quickly that most of the reasons to enter Medicine no longer exist. Myth 1: You'll take care of people. Actually, you will be so overwhelmed and tired you will be lucky if you don't kill them. Myth 2: You'll be richly rewarded. Doctors work far more hours than ever before. About half this time is spent in cya paperwork to prevent lawsuits. Paychecks continue to drop each year as workload increases. Per hour after you finish residency, you can expect middle management money. During residency (3-6 years depending on specialty) you will work 80-120 hours per week and get paid about $3.50 an hour. Myth 3: You'll be a respected professional. You will actually be seen as source for drug-seekers who will steal your DEA number and use it to get narcotics. You will be sued repeatedly by the very people you were trying to help (document everything!) and you will be too busy and tired to enjoy any of the fruits of your labors. Please, if you value your life and that of your children, don't go into medicine! H (March 2000)

ANSWER 2
"I am a mom with two kids, and the best support I can get from my husband is encouragement. The pre-med regiment is tough, mentally and physically draining, and harbors lots of "guilt" for moms. When we are at school, we think about missing time with the kids, when we are with the kids, we feel bad about not studying. The courses themselves make many people drop their hopes of ever becoming a doctor. Give her as much encouragement and support as you can. Tell her you are proud, assure her you will make it through her educational process no matter what. I came home from school crying many many nights throwing my books to the ground and vowing to quit!! My husband gave me a supportive shoulder and always told me to hold my head up high and never give up, no matter how hard things got (financially and emotionally) because most of the pre-med requirements is a weeding out process. Finances can and will get tough as well, if you have to drop down to one income. It will pay off in the end. Being there for her and your children and offering open arms and open ears with lots of encouragement is the best support you can give your wife. Good luck." BDG (December 1999)