I can not imagine the pain you are struggling with. One thing I would recommend is checking out http://www.meaninginmedicine.org/ which promotes open physician communication about the struggles of being in medicine.
They may have a group meeting near you that might be supportive. Also, there is a lot of discussion through their email list about making mistakes in medicine and struggling with depression, etc. Even though I’m not the person to give you the needed advice, you might find someone there who could give some guidance.