Advice?

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  • #42570
    GiselleGiselle
    Participant

    I am a 31 year old in my second year of medicine. My husband and I desperately want to start a family. How do I do this? During the semester I am quite stressed and do not take the best care of myself(diet, etc..). I don’t see how I can have a healthy pregnancy while studying. To make matters more complicated, my husband and I live in separate cities. I was accepted into a medical school in another city, and my husband is unable to leave his position in the city we are originally from. Everything is so complicated but I really do not feel that I should be delaying having children at my age. Any feedback?

    #42571
    MelissaGrayMelissaGray
    Participant

    IMO I’d try to wait until you are both in the same city. It’s hard enough to do med school with a kid, but having a spouse available makes a big difference! Is it possible to do it without your hubby there? Sure, but that doesn’t necesarily mean that you’d be content with the situation.

    #42572
    MomMDMomMD
    Participant

    IMHO… I think at 31 you will be OK for a few more years. I agree you definitely need the dad around if you can, unless you have a great support system. Let us know what happens.
    Sethina

    #42573
    eeh2004eeh2004
    Participant

    I understand the strong desire to start a family. Even though I am a few years younger at 27, I feel very much the same way that you do, especially after already having struggled with fertility problems. But I have to agree with the above. I have a husband who is home every night and works at the same hospital where I’m rotating, but I am STILL nervous about having and raising a child. I can’t imagine how it might be if he were in another place and I was trying to do it all alone. I saw a classmate do it last year (she and baby were here, fiance was in Nashville, 4 1/2 hours away). She made it through, but struggled with time management, sleep deprivation, and guilt over having him in child care. You are probably tired of hearing that 31 is still young, you have all the time in the world, blah, blah, blah. It all means absolutely nothing when all you want in the world is to have a child with the person that you love. But try to wait until the two of you are together if you can. There are some natural breaks in the medical education path that are better for having children, for example, between second and third years, and between graduation and residency. Or fourth year when you have elective time that’s more flexible. But don’t go it alone! I think you might regret it in the long run. I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just want to chat.

    Erin

    #42574
    Anne7Anne7
    Participant

    I’m starting my fourth year of med school and have two young kids– the baby is sitting in my lap as I write. 🙂 And I’m 31, like you. I could not have done it without my husband around– you really do need the help, especially during third year (at most med schools, anyway). Like the others, I would say to wait until you’re in the same city. It’s so difficult coordinating the biology of having children (“I must have kids now before I’m too old”) vs. the social aspects (wanting the timing to be right so that your child has good parenting and so that you yourself have lots of support, thus giving your baby happy parents and a happy home.) If you need to, you can change things about your circumstances– e.g. take a year off in the middle of med school, or after you graduate but before starting residency. At most schools, I think fourth year is a great year to be pregnant– light schedule, lots of vacation, little call. (I was pregnant during third year, and that was manageable too, although hardly ideal.) I have a number of classmates who are 30-ish, and one is in your position– married, husband is not local because of his job– and she’s hoping to get pregnant this year, have the baby toward the end of fourth year, and take a year off before residency. A year between med school and residency, especially for such a good reason, is not going to hurt your chances of getting into a good program in most fields (I can’t vouch for neurosurgery, etc.). 🙂 Best of luck to you in your decision. 🙂

    #42575
    cralphcralph
    Participant

    giselle,

    i agree that it would be of both you and the baby’s best interest to be in the same city. However, if there is any chance that you two will be moving to the same city by the time the baby arrives, i dont think it would be overly stressful for you to be pregnant during your second year without him. i was away from my husband for the first two years of med school and it was very hard. i got pregnant in my third year and was allowed to take a little time off between third and fourth year WHICH YOU DEFINATELY NEED! what is the possibility of him moving to the city you live in or of you doing your rotations at an off-site hospital?

    #42576
    cralphcralph
    Participant

    as an addendum to my last reply, i meant it would be better for you and the baby to be in the same city as your husband! it didnt come out quite like that!

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