November 8, 2002 at 1:09 pm #78593momofchrisParticipant
Any med students/physicians out there have a full-time stay at home hubby? I’m a 2nd year med student with a 6 month old son. My husband will be quitting his out-of-town job next month in order to move here full-time and stay home with the baby. We’ve decided that 1) we’re sick of commuting between 2 cities and 2) we really don’t want to put our son in daycare if we can possibly help it, at least not when he’s this little. We’ve actually planned it this way since before I started med school, but now that the date is rapidly approaching, I’m getting nervous! We’ve saved up enough money over the past year that we should be able to support the baby for at least a year if we live cheaply and take out the max in loans. My husband’s an AWESOME father and already does the bulk of the parenting right now (except for breastfeeding 🙂 ). But I’m concerned about how he’s going to adjust to being at home all day, not getting a paycheck, and -especially- dealing with society’s expectations about traditional male/female roles? I’d love to hear about anyone else’s experiences with this.November 12, 2002 at 1:27 am #78594mommd2bParticipant
Well, we have a couple of stay-at-home dads and male spouses who are trying to rally some support for the mrmd forum again at medicalspouse.com . I’m sure that they would welcome your hubby with open arms!
Our male members are trying to put together a group for themselves, so if there are any others out there who have husbands/boyfriends who are looking for support…send them our way :p
KrisNovember 13, 2002 at 9:41 am #78596EliParticipant
I was wondering how you did with having the baby already into medical school. See my husband and I are planning for another baby and I’m not sure if I should have it before I start school (2004), Jilian would be 2 and 1/2 and the new baby about 10 months, or if we should wait and try around 2nd. year. from your experience what do you think. How much time do you have for the baby? Are you still coherent? 😉 Would you have done it this way if you had only known?
Thanks for your response!! And keep it up!! You give me the inspiration I need to get there…Thanks EliNovember 13, 2002 at 12:00 pm #78597momofchrisParticipant
Deep breath…this is going to be a LONG reply…
If I were you, I would probably try to have a baby either before medical school or after residency. Being pregnant 1st year wasn’t the problem – even though I was really nauseous for the first 5 months. I did miss class a lot, but just studied at home on my own and did fine. I actually think it was less stressful being a med student than working a full-time job because I had the flexibility of missing lecture the days I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed.
But once the baby was born, it was a different story altogether. It helped having the summer after MS1 off, but 2nd year with an infant has been very fatiguing. Partly that’s because my son has severe reflux and still wants to nurse every 2-3 hours even at 6 months of age. I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours at a time since he was born and have never gotten more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I have no idea how I’ve managed to pass everything so far, but I won’t sugarcoat it: it’s been nerve-wracking! The only reason I’ve made it so far is that my wonderful husband does the lion’s share of the work around the house and taking care of the baby. He only goes into the office 2 days a week and works from home the rest of the time. The days he works, I skip class and stay home (we’ve made a personal decision not to put our baby in day care.) So I do get to see my son quite a bit, certainly more than moms who work full-time. The days I go to class, I still come home to nurse him between classes and at lunch, etc. But I do miss out on a lot of quality time with him because I absolutely have to study evenings and weekends just to keep up. Even though I know my husband’s as good a parent- if not better- than I, it still saddens me that I don’t have more time to enjoy him while he’s this little.
As for time to be a couple or do things we like – forget it! Fortunately, we have been together for 13 years and have a very strong marriage, so it’s not causing any strife so far. Hopefully, things will improve once he quits his job and moves here full-time.
With all that said, would I do it over? A qualified yes. Ideally, I wish I’d had the baby a year or so BEFORE starting med school. Or if I were younger, I would definitely have waited until after residency and taken some time off then. However, since I’m already 31, I didn’t want to wait until I was nearly 40 to start a family. So given my circumstances, the end of 1st year was the best time for us. I know there is no way I could have made it through 3rd year rotations with a new baby, even with my husband at home full-time. Perhaps it might be doable with a baby that’s not as high-need as mine. We’re actually thinking of having another baby 4th year- it’s mostly elective and I’ve heard it’s a relatively good time to have a baby…we’ll see.
Sorry so long-winded, hope this helps!
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