December 18, 2003 at 2:55 am #82875double elleParticipant
I am a 3rd year medical student in the midwest. My husband isn’t a stay at home dad. In fact, he has about a 90K/year job….so his helping out is wonderful – but limited. Long-story-short – I am going crazy with trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I was thinking EM – or the FP route to EM, or maybe psych. I honestly have no idea. I am 29 years old and have 1 child. I am not cut-throat competitive, so I am currently looking at residencies that are more laid back in nature. My husband is an avid outdoors-man, so I am trying to look for places where he will be happy, even though it will only be for a couple of years.
My issue is that I simply can’t turn all this off. I feel so much pressure for my family’s future and so weighed down. I do well on my rotations and receive plenty of compliments and constructive criticism. I try to fit in reading when possible. I try to work out – although it’s been a week now. All I think about is where we will be in 2 years.
Both of my parents have passed away already, and my in-laws live 3 hours away, so we have absolutely no help what-so-ever. I am exhausted and frustrated…both with myself and with this situation. I sometimes wonder why I ever began this endeavor. I feel like I am surrounded by men in the field who have absolutely no insight into what a female goes through. Although I value ANYONE’s opinion – just because a doctor is a father doesn’t mean he goes thru the same thing as a parent as the mom does. And, when I talk to other female students with children – their experiences don’t apply because their husbands stay at home.
I guess I just need someone to help me keep everything in perspective. I feel that I am all alone. Anyone want to help???December 18, 2003 at 6:34 am #82877wannaBmdParticipant
I am a pre-med student but in some ways I understand. I have three children 2,4, and 6 years old, I go to school, run a at home business, and am a homemaker. My husband works for the Sherrif’s office and tonight is his first night off in 16 days +doubles and half shifts, so as far as him helping at home, well yeah right! 🙁 But he loves what he does and is happy, so that actually helps me. I find when I’m really stressed out, I just have to remind myself to step back and breathe. I also find I visit this site more.
As far as male doctors understanding, well, I think they can sympathize, but really understanding is probably difficult. A lot of pressure is put on women to do it all—-to be supermom. When you aspire to be a doctor you are usually an overachiever, and it is hard not to try and be supermom. We strive for perfection, but we also have to realize our limits. That doesn’t mean quit, it just means step back and re-asess things. Organize things at home, so time with your child is “quality time,” and take some time for yourself, even if it is only 1 night a month. I find I am a much better mom and wife if i do take just a little time to myself.
Well this was probably more for me than for you, and was quite long winded, but if you just need to vent PM me. I hope things settle down for you, and Best wishes with everything.
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