Do you believe in spanking a child?

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  • #76358
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    I am curious to know your parenting styles, and note I do not mean beating a child, but like smacking hands, or dusting the diaper.

    #76359
    wannaBmdwannaBmd
    Participant

    I believe in spanking. But I will be the first to admit it is only the preliminaries. Sometimes it takes a swift smack on the backside to get their attention, and then we progress to *behaviour modification* My kiddos are such little imps! If they are really in a mood, after I give ’em a swat they turn around and give me a wicked little grin. :boggled:

    I have learned that what works with one child, does not necessarly work with the rest. With my boys I could impose the harshest punishment I could think of, and I’d still be beating my head against the wall. And my daughter is so soft-hearted that if you look at her cross-eyed she bursts into tears. :boggled: You just have to figure out what works for each one.

    #76360
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    I try to refrain from spanking my kids. I was spanked as a child, even whipped with a belt leaving petechiae on my legs and bottom from the lashes—-now called child abuse. I would never do this to my kiddos. I dont claim to have been abused, my mom loved us very much, would do anything for us. That belt thing was a learned behavior from her father and so on.
    I dont think it is the best way, becausing we are teaching the kids to hit in anger or when things are going right—to hurt. Yet, I still do this from time to time. I honestly believe it does teach violent behavior, and encourages lack of self control. And I still do it sometimes, it is a conditioned behavior for me, I guess. Im still working on other ways to deal with things.

    By the way, does anyone else remember those switches moms got from trees and left those 1-2 leaves at the tip, for that extra snap…or the notorious flip-flop?! :bigmouth:

    #76362
    wannaBmdwannaBmd
    Participant

    Dana,
    I will say this, If you intend to spank, you HAVE to make sure YOU are in control. There have been a few times when I sent the children to there room, until I could calm down. Truth be told, on those occations they usually didn’t get spanked at all.

    #76363
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Diana,
    Oh yes…I never spank them hard being out of control. For sure…I do send them to the room, have to lock the door though, or else they will run out. My mom doesnt like this idea, but you know what? Im not lashing them with a belt!
    And they are only in there for a max of about 5 minutes…they come out, a little later, they are back at it again! 😀

    #76365
    shellbellshellbell
    Participant

    My mother and father really did not spank me. I know she said it was because I was good most of the time. But she did spank my older brother and sister. I do remember the time I was 13 and lied to my mothers face. I was not suppose to be in my friends house when the parents were not home. She slapped me across my face in front of my friends. I did deserve it.

    As for my little ones. Yes I have but not very often. My older dd just needs a look and she knows. My other dd pushes me to the limit. But all I have to say is go sit on your bed for a timeout. She can not stand to be by herself. Now for my ds, he is only 19 months. So we usually repeat NO several times and then put him on the couch for a 1-2 minute timeout. As I write he is trying to test me. What is a mother to do?
    :weeping:
    Michelle

    #76366
    mommd2bmommd2b
    Participant

    This is a tough issue….My husband and I were always very anti-spanking, attachment parenting oriented….but we have resorted to spanking from time to time. I don’t feel good about using that method to parent, but at the same time in certain circumstances it seems to be the only thing to work.

    For example, my 4 1/2 year old wouldn’t leave the baby alone. Any time I turned my back he was trying to pick him up and carry him. No amount of talking, time-outs, etc had an effect on him….so I finally gave him a swift spank on the behind and haven’t had the problem since.

    I was raised in a family where physical violence was the norm in terms of discipline. This was usually done in an out-of-control way and so I am very sensitive to the issue. I fear that I have a potential to lose control like my father did…so I try really hard to discipline without spanking….that being said, I have spanked on occasion….

    kris

    #76367
    MTaylorMTaylor
    Participant

    You know…I was spanked as a child, and I turned out great!! 😀 I never snuck out of the house, never ditched (a whole day) of school 😉 , I used discretion with regards to choosing my friends, by boyfriends, and having sex (or not). I am a strong, smart woman…and I can remember getting my ass kicked on several occasions (and even in retrospect, I totally deserved it). I’m not violent, :twocents:

    #76369
    CaLiGirL :)CaLiGirL:)
    Participant

    I spank, but very very rarely. It takes alot out of my daughter to warrant a spanking from me or her father. The spanking is usually quick and on her bottom. After her discipline session is over, it always becomes clear to me that she’s learned her lesson and understands how it is a must that she avoids what it was that she did, and to better herself. Seeing that, I usually apologize to her for spanking her. I tell her that I hate more than anything to spank her, or discipline her in general… so, therefore, if she could please try to behave herself so I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. Spanking sucks on both ends, but I don’t disagree with it entirely.

    #76370
    shauna ,MS,MomMD2Bshauna,MS,MomMD2B
    Participant

    Originally posted by Mya:
    [b] American children are completely out of control…and part of it is society’s fault. And to tie the parent’s hands…and make them resort solely to timeouts, and “discussions” is…
    …is why our kids are doing whatever they wanna do, with complete disregard for authority, respect, peace, and life in general. Some kids need their butts spanked from time to time…and in so doing, they become *better* people.
    [/b]

    I have to agree with you on this on Mya!

    My Grandmother cracked a yard stick in two over my butt once, but you know what?…I learned that G-ma meant bussiness, and I never tested her again. That was literally the first, and the last time I had to be ‘delt with’ by her. My Grandmother was (she’s descesed now) a HIGHLY loved and respected woman in my family, but EVERYONE knew that G-ma doesn’t take crap off children. She only whipped PRN ( 😉 )I only ever heard of ONE of 8 children getting a whipping by her…but whoa unto that one! Rumor had it that her hand print was still visable on his cheek days later. Some may think this is abuse, but she raised 3 boys and 5 girls who had nothing but honor for her; not like many kids today, who disrespect thier parents, and other authority figures. Like kids in school. I hear a LOT about kids cursing and utterly disrespecting teachers in school. Back in the ‘old days’ when whipping a child wasn’t a crime against humanity, children were MUCH more respectful.

    I’ll be honost, I was a child from hades, and as a teenager, I was down right disrespectful. Had my Mother not gone up-side my head when she did, I would have had NO FEAR of her or anyone else! Yes she used the switch, and even the belt, but you no what?…I deserved it. AND it was the only thing that got my attention. I was too young to appreciate WHY she would tell me that I could’nt have it my way all the time. But I DID appreciate the belt.

    As someone(s) stated, it veries child to child. My brother AND my sister were ‘good’ kids, so they can count the whippings they got over their life times on both hands (I need feet, hands, digits, :blush: etc.). Mom dished it out as required. She would go to her roon and cry after spanking any of us, but it was needed, I believe. It helped to stop us from heading in the directions we were headed in, which I’m sure society can appreciate. I became an RN, and will soon be an MD, my sister is an assistant Pastor of a church, and my brother is a film producer, and manages my Mom’s bussiness.

    Discipline is DEFINITY neccessary.

    For my (unborn) children, I plan to start with the lesser and progress to the greater as required; i.e. start with and progress to: “No!”, timeouts, hand poping, butt poping, and finally butt whipping if problem persist.

    The overall goal to me is to get the child to stop doing things that will hurt them, and society in the long run (being disobedient, disrespectful, lying, not doing the things they’re responsible for doing, like homework, housework, etc.) And I will get this accomplished – for

    #76371
    shauna ,MS,MomMD2Bshauna,MS,MomMD2B
    Participant

    …oops, I clicked the ‘add reply’ button before I was finished :twocents:

    Shauna

    #76373
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Points taken! I just sometimes feel like Im sending the message, “If you do what I dont like, I will physically hurt you”. That doesnt make me feel good. But if those type punishments will save him his life, and make him a better person than not…I guess it would be better to spank.
    Mya….I love your post! I got my *a double snakes* kicked too, I turned out okay…although, unlike you, I did get into fights with people. My older sister got her butt kicked more than me, did her no good to this day. She knows how to box though!

    Shauna… you broke it down for us didnt you! :yes: Check your mail.

    BTW, you guys must have some great kids, or mine, one in particular, is/are hethrens! 😉

    #76374
    SomedaySomeday
    Participant

    This is a tough one…

    Like Kris, I was raised in a household where physical violence was the norm. My brother and I would be forced to strip to skin in(in front of each other)and endure the belt for the *slightest* infractions. Not only was it a physically painful experience, but very humiliating as well.

    I am going to do my darnedest to never strike my child. I know that I have the potential to lose control – I don’t EVER want that to happen. :guilty:

    That being said, I am not opposed to a swat on the butt…I just don’t think it is an option for me.

    #76376
    EM momEM mom
    Participant

    I think Mya hit the nail on the head (in fact I’m starting to think we may be twins separated at birth seeing how many things we have absolutely agreed on! 😀 ) by saying that society is completely out of control.

    I was not spanked often as a child. In fact I only remember a handful of times, but each time I was spanked I fully deserved it. (Isn’t 20/20 hindsight a great thing!?!) I knew it was a possibility and I knew that there were rules that I had to follow. Period. I was going to obey my curfew, let my parents know where I was going to be and who was going to be supervising, I was going to be holding down a part time job when I turned 16 and babysitting for “recreation money” earlier than that, I was going to respect my parents, teachers and elders and all of these things were non-negotiable. My parents weren’t really overly strict…they did not interfere with the friends or boyfriends I chose, they let me go out, they didn’t need to know everything about my life, but if I didn’t follow the rules there were consequences.

    We have taken all authority away from parents, teachers, and a whole host of other should be “authority figures”. Society is WAY out of control. Teachers can not say or do anything that could even remotely be perceived as being threatening for fear of lawsuits. (I’m not advocating any kind of corporal punishment here, just a simple healthy respect) I remember my mom saying to my and my brother’s teachers, you have my full authority to discipline my children and I will support you on it. Parents these days expect teachers and the school system to teach their children discipline but don’t give them any authority to do so. It really should start in the home!

    No is not a four letter word and as hard as it may be for a parent (and now that I have my own, I am as guilty as anyone, sometimes I just don’t want to deal with the tantrum that will ensue when you say no…so I take the easy road :boggled: ) it just needs to be said. How can a child respect you as a parent when they do not see you as a parent, but a friend, with all of the “negotiating priveledges that come with this label. I’m not advocating that parents not be “friends” with their kids, as long as they are “parents” first.

    There is no better gift you can give you can give your kids than discipline. What gift will help them out in the “real world” as much as this one?

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