Help when kids are bullied

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  • #73113
    njbmdnjbmd
    Participant

    Anyone have experience with what to do when your kid is bullied? My 5th grade son came home yesterday really sullen, and I noticed that the hood of his coat was full of snow. When I ‘pestered’ him to tell me what was wrong, he burst into tears and said that another boy, who he identifies as a friend, took the group ahead while walking home from school. When my son tried to keep up with them, he whipped 2 snowballs in his face and told him to walk home a different way, not with the usual group. I told him his buddy was probably just being a jerk that day, and not to worry. Then he started sobbing and said that for the last few weeks, this kid has been mean to him every day, calling him ‘fat’ (he’s a bit husky but not really overweight) and ‘stupid.’ He wouldn’t let him sit at the lunch table yesterday. It breaks my heart to see my kid suffer. I happened to be on the phone with the kid’s Mom later, she’s really nice. Funnily enough, the bully is having a birthday party this weekend and had invited my son. I told the mom that my son was on the fence about going, and hinted that something seemed to be going on between the two of them. She got my drift, and I guess she talked to her son. Later she and her son stopped by when I wasn’t home. My younger son said the kid came to the door and said to leave a message that he was sorry. My son initially seemed pleased at this, but then he was worried that there will be repercussions at school because he told his mom.
    This was longer than I planned because I wanted to get it off my chest…anyone have advice?

    #73115
    MTaylorMTaylor
    Participant

    I don’t have a child old enough to be in this (or a similar) situation, however…

    …I would probably wait and see what happens (for awhile longer). Sometimes parents do more harm than good by trying to “help.” I remember *being* a 5th grader, and kids tend to work thru so many situations on their own…and in the process they begin learning so much about life. This situation is the World (God) teaching your son about life. Just “be there” (as you are) and offer support. Do what you can (reasonably) do, which you’ve done…and let the process of his life happen.

    #73117
    EM momEM mom
    Participant

    It breaks my heart to think that some day my daughter will be in this same situation, but I’m sure it will happen as it seems to have happened to everyone at one time or another.

    For me it was in the sixth grade and I was miserable 🙁 ! My best friend abandoned me for another group of girls…and then of course wanted to be friends again when they abandoned her! I remember clearly crying to my mom and how horrible it was, but I really think she did the best thing…she just listened, reminded my how smart and pretty I was, encouraged me to find other friends, and spent extra time with me. Then seventh grade came, we all moved to the junior high, I found an awesome bunch of friends and all was well 😀 . I’m not sure that I would have wanted my mom “interfering”, although I am SURE she would have if she though it would have done any good! I think just spending some extra time with him, making sure that he feels listened to, and reassuring him that he is “good, and smart, and nice, and funny, etc.” will go a long way. Good luck I’ll be :crossfingers: that everything works out well!

    #73119
    njbmdnjbmd
    Participant

    Thanks, guys! I really think more of us go through this than not. I figure if home is the comforting, supportive place to come at the end of a rough day, I have created something good. It sure is hard at the time not to project the feelings onto yourself!

    #73121
    sisriversisriver
    Participant

    My son is in second grade but is the youngest in his class. He gets bullied on occasion by one of the older boys in his grade whom he thinks he likes(the boy made him wait in line to play kick ball at recess, and then wouldn’t let him have a turn, for example.) It has taken 2 years for my son to make other friends and lose his interest in this boy.

    #73123
    mommd2bmommd2b
    Participant

    It sounds like you did a great job of handling this situation!

    My daughter had a similar problem last year in the first grade 😮 Isn’t that ridiculous??? I talked to the mom too and though the conversation went well, the little girl ended up no longer playing with my daughter. They were friends (despite the bullying) and so my daughter was initially sad that they didn’t play together anymore…but one year out, I can say that it was a good thing. Amanda tended to be the follower in the friendship. This little girl dictated what they played, etc and Amanda would quietly agree to anything just to have that little girl be her friend.

    Now Amanda has a new set of friends that share the ‘leader’ role. It took her time to make these new friends, but at the end of the day she is much happier.

    It sounds like you did a good job of addresing this.

    kris

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