How do you premeds deal with this?

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  • #45177
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    I went to the grocery store today, and while on my way to the car, I bumped into an old friend of the family who I havent seen in years, he knew me since I was just a 10 yr old girl. I asked him if he remembered me (now that Im all grown up)and he said, “Yes Dana, your going to be a doctor.” I was stunned. I asked him how he knew that and he replied “I just bumped into your mom inside the store.” I said “Oh, I must have missed her.” We parted with him wishing me goodluck in my career. Now I didnt know how to feel. I havent even finished undergrad, nor have taken the MCAT—–and obviously havent even applied and my mom’s going around bragging about me. Dont get me wrong, I am happy my mom’s proud of me pursuing my dream……but it is kinda adding extra pressure on me. Like what if I dont get in? I dont think, I would tell her not to tell anybody because I dont want to suppress her happiness for me….but I am feeling pretty awkward round about now!
    Has or does this happen to you guys? If so, how does it make you feel?

    —-Dana

    #45178
    shellbellshellbell
    Participant

    Hey Dana,

    You are so cute! Your story is wonderful and Yes I feel very weird when someone mentions it. Unlike your mother, my mother thinks it is great to want to pursue my dream, but later in life. :boggled: Anyway I have decided to keep this to myself. I then will not have to deal with my strange feelings.

    Michelle

    #45179
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Yes, that kinda makes things different in your situation. My mom’s all for it. I think your mom’s fear is the same fear that we have as mothers while deciding to pursue this dream. Does she help you with the kids?

    #45180
    shellbellshellbell
    Participant

    My family and hubbys family all live in Northern Cali. So we really have no one to help. :rotfl:

    Hopefully someday I will be excited to YELL it out, I am going to be a DOCTOR. :banghead:

    Michelle

    #45181
    dstn2bmddstn2bmd
    Participant

    I hear ya shell….it’s like fighting a battle sometimes. Dealt with it from college career counselors who made me feel like :guilty: (he did apologize later) and you better believe it was a definite topic of conversation in almost every single one of my interviews

    #1 – 2 out of 3
    #2 – 2 out of 2
    #3 – 1 out of 1

    I got pretty good at defending myself and my desire to be a doctor…got acceptances from 2 out of the 3 schools :scratchchin: .

    Went to a church dinner and one of the ladies in the church mentioned how hard it was going to be for me to go to school and take care of my children at the same time. 😡 😮 I told her flat out…”I am married you know and if I am gonna do it all by myself I might as well be divorced. Don’t you think..?” Really… 😡 My dh got upset with me and told me I could have been a little less defensive, soooooo defensively I told him “You know I had to fight against social pressure since I started thinking about being a doctor…you think I am gonna change now?”

    The important thing is that all the doctors I work with are sooooo supportive of my pursuits…I guess they just understand my desire to be a doctor and the road I have yet to travel that they are so well aware of.

    Maybe I should move this to my diary…it might be a good read. Who knows….

    On a lighter note since I am going to med school my dh has changed his attitude quite a bit. I think he realizes that eventually he is gonna have a sugermomma :rolleyes: :rotfl:

    #45182
    StartingOverStartingOver
    Participant

    I think it’s great that your Mom is so supportive! My Mom is very supportive too as is the rest of my family and I feel very fortunate and lucky to have their support.

    Be happy that your Mom is gunning for you. If you change your mind later about your career track or don’t get in, well than your Mom will just say, “My daughter is doing X instead” and she’ll be just as proud of you (hopefully).

    Love,
    Stacy

    #45183
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Yes, it does help to have a supportive family. I guess it wouldnt make me feel soo awkward, if I wasnt so overcritical of myself. My hub, financial aid advisor (who I am friends) all tell me they never knew I doubt myself. I do to a certain degree, I dont know if you can call it doubt exactly, but maybe cautious. I never count my chickens before they hatch. Just because I have a good GPA doesnt guarantee my acceptance, nor will a good MCAT—but they sure do INCREASE the possibilities!!!
    Shell,
    The reason why I asked if she helped out was because if she was that concerned about the kids, she would offer you help. Dont get me wrong, Im not downing her. Mothers are great, even when we daughters dont see eye to eye. But since she lives far away….she cant anyway.
    Based on my own experience, those who moan and complain about my choices, that I will have to go through (not them), will express soo much concern yet wont offer a hand. Must not be that concerned then, and why even give an opinion?
    As for my mom, she cant help. She’s 52, single and raising my niece and nephew while also working full-time. Guess where I got my spunk from?—-But she would if she could. I was worried about the kids when initiating my first steps along this long road, and my mom told me for everything in life, there’s a sacrifice, and in the end—those sacrifices will be so minor compared to what has been accomplished. That was such good advice, and encouragement.

    #45184
    DrWuStar *DrWuStar*
    Participant

    dana,

    i think i know just what you mean – people are so excited and proud of your goals and accomplishments, and you start to feel like you have to do it for them… like they would be so let down if you didn’t get in or even if you just changed your mind. it’s nice to have people bragging about how smart and motivated you are, but it’s also a lot of pressure.

    becoming a doctor was 100% my own idea – everyone was surprized when i made that decision, but they were also all so excited. i used to REALLY REALLY worry about letting everyone down. ironically, the thing that cured me of those feelings was doing not-so-great on the mcat the first time i took it. everyone knew i was taking it, and they were all cheering me on, and then i had to tell them that i didn’t do that great and wasn’t going to apply right away. it was scary – i thought they would suddenly realize that i wasn’t as brilliant as they thought i was and would think less of me. but that wasn’t true at all. no one thought less. they were all still there cheering me on when i re-took the test the next year. and i’m sure now that they would think i was smart and great no matter if i didn’t get into med school at all or just decided i wanted to do something else…

    i guess the point i’m rambling around and not quite making is that you shouldn’t worry too much about what other people think. they won’t be too let-down if you don’t end up going to med school for any reason. the fact that you are on this path and doing well, especially considering all your kids and your job and school, shows that you are a really exceptional person. i’m sure you will live an exceptional life, and people will never have trouble finding reasons to be proud of you, MD or not. 😉

    #45185
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Aaaawwwwww…. :weeping: I am really touched by your response. I really am. Thankyou.

    #45186
    IsraeliGirlIsraeliGirl
    Participant

    Ho Dana, I totaly understand you!
    My family and friends (in Israel) can’t even understand the differance between med school and pre-med. People always ask how many more years I have left in med school, and that they think I’m brave to do it in my age. It doesn’t help that I explain to them that i’m NOT in med school yet, and I’m not even sure I will be accepted.
    I feel just like you, although I know they all meen well, this braggig adds a lot of pressure.
    But, thats why we all take part in these forums, right? :wave:
    And we will give them a good reason to brag, soon, I hope.

    Happy new year!
    Galya.

    #45187
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    GR,
    Im glad Im not the only one! Your story was kinda funny. They STILL think your in medical school even after explaining :rotfl: .
    I think deep down I am able to do this, just dont want to jinx myself!

    #45188
    DO HopefulDO Hopeful
    Participant

    I told my parents not to say anything to anyone . . . which is hard for them to do. They are proud Filipino parents who like to let their friends know what their kids are doing. The problem is, once they tell 1 or 2 friends, they’ll tell 2 friends, and so on and so on, and so on :rotfl: (anyone remember that commercial?) Way too much pressure!

    I think my mom really wants to tell people because she is my biggest cheerleader right now, and she’s a nurse (LPN). Plus I think my parents were a little disappointed when I decided to get out of the Navy a couple years ago. (for the record, this is not the reason I’m going to be a doctor) I think they’re excited about the prospect of having a doctor in the family 😉 I think once I get accepted to med school, then I’ll ALLOW them to tell their friends. Until then, I don’t want to jinx myself!!

    #45189
    wannaBmdwannaBmd
    Participant

    I was surprised when I found out that my Aunt down in Florida was telling all her friends that I’m going to be a doctor. At first it surprised me, but I was so grateful for the unconditional support she was offering me. It was soo sweet. She was so proud of me. It might have been different if she lived closer, and I was confronted with it personally. It is alot of pressure, but honestly nothing compaired to the pressure I put on myself. I am extremely self driven! Anyhow, I thought it was really sweet of her.

    #45190
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    It does make you feel good to be proud of. And what you said is true, it doesnt equal the amount of pressure I put on myself either, but it adds to it. All my life, I have always had this fear of failure. Even when I was already accepted and in nursing school, making straight A’s I have always had this overwhelming fear of failure….like somthing could happen that I would not succeed, like out of my control. Maybe it is because I had never succeeded or havent really seen many succeed in their goals, and still dont as far as education goes. But they dont even try. It makes me soo unknowing. My fear of failure may be part of my motivation to do excellent in school to assure myself I wont fail, which can be a good point.
    Even with my decision about how many classes I should take this semster (due to finances etc) a good part of me thinks another good reason I should decrease my course load because the kids my get sick a lot (they have in the past) and I wont have a sitter to go to class, and I will do poorly. My kids have been hospitalized on different occassions with different things, some more serious than others, and somehow things worked out (my mom was on vacation just by coincidence). But who is to say, if there is a next time, I will be so lucky? Little ones are always getting sick. I think I just need to push on, and cross the bridges as I get there like I have been doing. And quit being so freaking afraid of the what could go wrongs.

    #45191
    doc dredloc 2bdoc dredloc 2b
    Participant

    If you were ever in doubt about undertaking the long and daunting task to become a doctor, that was definitely the best type of reinforcement for you to keep pursuing your dream! 🙂 As I look at it, I’m a doctor just waiting for to be licensed! I have to think that way to keep from having those doubts creep up on me and kick me in the rear. We all have to remember, that we’ve taken a major step already by returning to school. Most people don’t even get that far. They become discouraged and never rise to the challenge.

    So, if other people know that you’re going to be a doctor, then you should believe that you are. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t applied to any med schools or taken the mcats, just know that 10 years down the road you’ll be a doctor, as a matter of fact we’ll all be doctors or well on our way to becoming one.

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