Kids. Is there much teasing at school?

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  • #33487
    drmoo55drmoo55
    Participant

    I remember being a kid and having times when I was picked on for my curly hair or when I was called 4-eyes in 6th grade.

    Does this still go on?

    Is it worse?

    How soon does it start?

    What do you do when your child comes home crying?

    #33488
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Oh yes, it still happens!!! My daughter has been teased for being the shortest kid in her grade since 1st grade. She’s in 4th now and it still happens!!! 😡 (she’s in the 10% and the youngest in her grade, to top it off)

    I’ve given her a few tools to help her deal with it. Telling a kid to ignore the teasing was never very effective for me and it hasn’t helped her. So, we talk about what’s good about being short. We also talk about the art of verbal self-defense. I kid you not, when the teasing was really bad, I taught her how to say “talk to the hand ‘cus the head’s not listening!” :rotfl:

    I had to! Bless her heart, she’s so sensitive she just needed to learn how to be a little sassy and not let people get the better of her. She’s still not that great at it, but we’ve had some good laughs practicing the things she wishes she had said in the middle of the teasing. It helps to ease the tension about it and give her some sense of humor.

    If only I could make her less sensitive. I can’t. But then, it’s one of her strengths too. She’s a nice person. 🙂

    I do dread the days of middle school. The cliques are already starting in 4th grade. My poor kid has been ousted from her long-time group of buddies by a female bully. :ouch: Not much I can do about it. I can’t make the other girls stop liking this brat and my child is too much of a leader to put up with this other kid’s pushy attitude.

    I’m helping her develop some new friends. Not much else I can do about it. sigh… Motherhood is tough is so many ways! But I love my daughter and I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

    Did I get off topic??? :laughing:
    Theresa

    #33489
    drmoo55drmoo55
    Participant

    Theresa- sounds like you are on the ball. Glad you can at least give your daughter options of ways to deal with it all.

    Why are kids so mean? Who are those kids? Don’t their families care?

    #33490
    DONOTDELETE ****DONOTDELETE**
    Participant

    I’m shocked at how early this ‘mean’ behavior starts nowadays. Last year my daughter was in the first grade. Whe was shy and a little introverted at the start of the year…she tends to be that way in new situations. Her little girlfriend that she had played with all summer long suddenly refused to sit with her on the bus because she wanted to sit with her ‘other’ friends. The problem with that was that the other girlfriends teased my daughter mercilessly … She came home from school several days and said that she wanted me to pick her up but wouldn’t really say why. Then I got a call from the school because my daughter was hiding under bus seats and this was ‘not appropriate’. The whole story came spilling out that she was hiding whenever she got on until the other girls got on the bus because she was afraid that if they saw her they would sit next to her and laugh at her. 😡

    What bothered me the most is that her little friend sat with those children and did nothing after having spent the summer playing at our house.

    I ended up taking action in a couple of ways:

    1. I started picking up my daughter at school for a limited period of time (2-3 weeks…can’t remember exactly how long)

    2. I called the parent of the little girl that she had been such good friends with over the summer. I was very, very apologetic and polite and gave the mom many ‘outs’ as to not put her on the spot. But you know, her whole response was “my daughter is just such a social butterfly…she just loves to have lots and lots of friends and your daughter just wants one or two. She just can’t sit with your daughter every day”. :rolleyes: I politely explained that that wasn’t really the point and that the problem was with the teasing going on …. she knew the other parents and agreed to talk to them and her daughter did make an effort from time-to-time then to sit next to my daughter…it bothered me that my daughter felt ‘honored’ anytime this little girl would sit next to her…so

    3. We started working on self-esteem more. We talked alot about why kids might act that way and I also encouraged my daughter to pursue other friendships by arranging playdates and getting her inolved in the brownies (which she absolutely loves).

    This year is much different. She is in second grade and never sees this neighbor girl anymore. This summer the little girl didn’t come over to play once…then at the end of the summer she came over and said “I’m not here to play. I’m having a lemonade stand and I want you to come over and buy some lemonade”. My daughter just looked at me….and so I told the little girl that we were busy. After we shut the door, my daughter said “she didn’t come over to play all summer. Why should I go to her lemonade stand”. I thought that was at least progress????

    But this year, my daughter has also made some friends with some of the younger girls in the neighborhood…kindergarten and first grade. My husband and I are encouraging the friendships because she seems to be growing a lot more self-confident…she wants to ‘take care’ of the younger girls and is trying to act like a role-model…which is cute.

    I do feel concern that she interact with her same-age peers…but at the same time, I’m happy that she is building some self-confidence socially.

    Where does this all come from? I don’t know!!!!

    One of the things that I truly dislike about our neighborhood is the attitudes that prevail here…clicky, snobby, people talking about each other behind their backs….I have often felt that that might be part of the reason? When children see this behavior modeled it is how they tend to interact???

    Any other insight?

    kris

    #33491
    drmoo55drmoo55
    Participant

    😮 That truly is early! most of my teasing started near middleschool- thought it was the body change and hormones that brought out the cattiness, but I guess not.

    I agree too that kids will pick up behaviors that they see in their parents and parents’ friends.

    #33492
    drsoondrsoon
    Participant

    It’s really true-
    Kids are little sponges, and if they hear their mom being catty or unkind, they’ll do the same.

    But on the plus side- if they see kindness and are encouraged to be kind, they’ll learn that too!

    Can I lend a few words as someone who was hideously picked on in middle school?

    Yes, it hurts. And yes, those memories stay with you, but when you have loving parents who listen, and help you develop confidence, those experiences can make you a kinder and more compassionate person when you’re older.

    The biggest thing that helps is having parents who encourage you to do things you love and grow in other ways. Choir, band and drama are great opportunities- most kids who are interested in music and Drama are a little more quirky to begin with, and that can make them more inclusive a lot of the time.
    And if your area has any summer camps or workshops for activities your child loves, this will give her a chance to do something she likes, and maybe form bonds with other girls in her class when the bullies aren’t around. 🙂

    #33493
    tchrdoctchrdoc
    Participant

    Just a little input — I teach second grade and we already see some signs of bullying, even at this early age. I think the school needs to take a large, proactive role in helping to curtail bullying at the elementary level. Our school does many activities, including something called Peaceful Playground, where kids are involved in structured activities that center around self-esteem and kindness. In the classroom, however, I feel there should be continuous focus on being accepting (not just tolerant) of everyone, and of always finding ways to be a good friend to someone else. This being said, I am sure it is devastating for parents to have to deal with children who are intimidated at school or made fun of, and I already worry what the future might hold for my young son when he is in school.

    #33494
    drmoo55drmoo55
    Participant

    True true true

    setting good examples can help- it’s the parents that set the bad catty behavior examples that ruin it for all

    tchrdoc- i am impressed that such a program exists- there should be more like that in all schools.

    I was so disturbed by that story of the 12 yo boy who hung himself in his closet I believe last week. He had been bullied & picked on & just couldn’t/wouldn’t go to school. I’m sure there are other factors involved, but a 12 yo should not be “depressed” because of bullying. That just shouldn’t happen. And I think the school may have just let it go- which is sad. Also who knows about the mom & her contribution to the problem. Just sad all over.

    #33495
    mommidalamommidala
    Participant

    For my daughters it started in 4th grade. However, the older one moved to middle school in 6th, and suddenly had a lot of other friends from other elementary schools. I agree with the suggestion to help find some other groups — music, sports, hobbies, etc. Also enlist the teacher. They may not be able to do a lot, but they won’t see the verbal abuse that girls do unless they know to look for it.

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