Lack of support for career choice?

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  • #54523
    MomMDMomMD
    Participant

    Just wanted to ask how many of you had a lack of support for your career choice? How did you respond to that?

    Sethina

    #54525
    Honey120682Honey120682
    Participant

    I know what you mean. I’m undecided about my career between law or med school.

    I’m leaning more to law school and I told my best friend (that i have been through everything with) and she laughed at me I figure because she is jealous because her life hasn’t turned out as she had planned.

    My grandmother rolled her eyes and refuses to discuss it she thinks i need to go to dental asstiance because it will only take a few months.
    People like this have made me even more determed to be success in whichever career I choose. Good luck to you 🙂

    #54527
    CaLiGirL :)CaLiGirL:)
    Participant

    hi sethina!

    well, when i first decided to become a doctor i was too afraid to tell anyone, even my own husband due to the fear that i wouldn’t recieve that vital support. when i did decide to speak up and persue what i wanted so dearly, i got the response that i expected: people lacked faith in me, and the support came from only a handful of people…my husband wasn’t one of them.

    in a way, i couldn’t blame them lacking the faith in me…i didn’t exactly grow up as the “perfect” child and highschool was a disaster for me. i didn’t get to graduate w/ my class and i ended up recieving a diploma from an adult/continuation school a year later while i was pregnant with my daughter. naturally, people would feel that i didn’t have what it took to become an MD. my husband didn’t support me not because of the faith, he knew me to be a smart girl, but b/c he was a very traditional man. he couldn’t picture his wife in the workforce (medical at that) and not at home being the homemaker.

    at that moment in my life, every day i felt more and more bottled up and miserable b/c i couldn’t do what i wanted so badly…i came to the conclusion that we had to end the marraige. i was a pinch away from the divorce when my husband realized (as i did) that somehow we had to make it work. he knew that i made up my mind about my life and he could keep me making the most of our lives together, or lose me. i kept firm on my decision and now we are doing really well.

    a miracle has happened as i posted in another thread…he may even be willing to relocate for me if that was the situation. i’ve been truly blessed from going from no support from him whatsoever, to the most understanding and supportive husband i know (im sure there are plenty out there though :p ).

    as with all of the other individuals who lacked the faith in me (b/c they thought i wasn’t smart enough) and did not support me…i’m making it now and i’m showing them what i’m all about… 😉

    here was my boring story :rolleyes:

    goodluck sethina,
    annie

    #54529
    Honey120682Honey120682
    Participant

    Annie it wasn’t a boring story at all. I can REALLY relate to it. Being a single mom who finished high school at home because i was pregnant, is i believe the main reason people roll their eyes and even laugh at me. Thanks for telling your story. 😀

    #54530
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I had the same sort of initial reaction when I started telling my family that I wanted to go to medical school. “Why would you want to do that? What about the kids? What about your husband?” etc. No one laughed exactly, but I didn’t get much respect for it. That was 7 yrs ago. Now my mother argues with me when I say I can’t do it! My husband has threatened to “yell” at me if I don’t finish my prereq’s this year! :rolleyes:
    I guess all that talking and planning and starting up again after I got derailed a couple of times has convinced all the important people in my life that I really do need to do this! OH, and my kids (ages 7, 5 & 5) think it’s cool that I go to school, too. (hope they’ll feel the same in a few years when I get a whole lot busier!)
    Theresa

    #54532
    angelangel
    Participant

    I have barely mentioned my *interest* in the field to my family (and my husbands family) and eyebrows are raised…

    The general sense I get from the dissaproving is that as a woman I “ought” to be devoting my life to children..not career.

    I feel a bit saddened by it. The men in my family have much more support for that sort of thing.

    I’ve always been a bit of a renegade though, so its almost expected of me! 😀

    Right now I deal with it by not saying much about it. I don’t like feeling as though I have to defend myself about something so personal. I feel it is treated a bit as a “selfish” goal…

    …the irony

    There are a few in my family who are very supportive though, my husband in particular. 🙂

    …Breaking out pre-established social molds…isn’t it fun!!

    #54534
    mommd2bmommd2b
    Participant

    Well, I have to add here that I was really disappointed by family and friends in regards to their lack of supportiveness. After I had children, it wasn’t just that they weren’t supportive, but that they were very vocal about their lack of support. From my own mother, I heard things like “why don’t you just go and get a job as a desk clerk at the hospital” (this after completing my MS in mol bio) :rolleyes: . One of my other friends said “kids on drugs” if I mentioned the dream and another friend accused me of only wanting to go to med school because of how it looks to others 😮 . I felt like screaming “is that why your husband went to medical school?”

    Here is what I understand: It is OK for men to go to medical school and they don’t have to have a philanthropic or caring bone in their bodies…they can be purely in it for the money…after all, they have a family to support. A woman is to be at home with her children…A lot of men will still support this view, at least privately (especially the male docs that we know) and women docs can run into big problems with nursing staff, sahm’s etc. I have friends who REFUSE to see female physician…they don’t feel ‘comfortable’ and they are WOMEN!

    Honestly, I feel at peace with my decision to move away from a career in medicine for now, because of my family obligations…BUT, I feel very disappointed in many of the people who were vocally unsupportive.

    Sorry for the rant…

    Kris

    #54536
    NStanhopeNStanhope
    Participant

    Well My story is a bit diff, I grew up in a family where if you graduated highschool it was a miracle. My parents never really encouraged us five girls to go to school. They where from a communist country and only new hard work. So they survived with alot of common sense, not education. and i decided that i did not want to struggle so i graduated highschool when all of my sisters dropped out and got GED. and i went into college late in life at late 20’s and now i’m in my 30’s. But i never got the support i wanted from my family, more like they still dont think i can do it. But my husband supports me and so does my daughter. So be encouraged today because it take a special person to be a doctor that cares and not just in it for the money.

    #54538
    DuckDuck
    Participant

    This is my first time posting a reply…I must say that I am grateful to have found a safe place to believe in my dream of becoming a doctor. 🙂

    I am separated with no children. My parents, and siblings watch me take post-bacc classes with great interest. They believe that I am preparing for nursing school. I am sure nursing school is equally challenging, but for my family it has proven to be an acceptable career move at my age (40!). So,I’m still in the I am preparing for med. school closet. 😉

    #54539
    Tangee FoxTangee Fox
    Participant

    It’s amusing how many of us are “in the closet” pre-meds :rolleyes:

    Actually my husband and family are SO supportive, I think they want this at least as much as I do. I was the first one in my family to graduate from high school, the only one, so far to graduate from college and they just generally expect great things from me.

    On the other hand, I haven’t told my in-laws that I’m trying to get in because I’m afraid of what their reaction will be. They are great, and I like them alot, but my FIL in particular intimidates me and I just don’t want to deal with pessimism. I think it will be great to sit down to dinner with them one night and casually mention, “Oh yeah, by the way, I got into “blank” med school, I start in August.”

    Unfortunately, we’ve had to be somewhat creative about not mentioning that I’m in school without outright lying. I don’t want to lie to them. But this summer when we went to visit, I had to come back early because of class, and they wanted to know why I couldn’t stay, and I just had to leave it at “I couldn’t get this much time off.” They thought I meant work, and I didn’t correct them. I feel a little bad, but I’m sure they will get over it. 😀

    #54541
    brown_eyed_girlbrown_eyed_girl
    Participant

    i have been thinking about becoming an md for a while now, but never wanted to tell anyone. i finally said it out loud to a friend of mine, and it felt pretty good. he was incredibly supportive of me. of course it took a few more months and an amazing experience to get me to say it out loud again. i work in a hospital as a unit clerk and was given the opportunity to observe an organ harvest. i thought my head was going to explode i was so excited. i told my mother, who actually for the first time in my life said “good for you”, and even spoke with my manager about taking advantage of the tuition reimbursement benefit at my job. i have only just started my pre-reqs, but feel good about my decision. however when i start thinking about the time committment and the financial committment the butterflies in my stomach go into overdrive. does this go away as time passes or does it get worse?

    #54543
    Samantha101Samantha101
    Participant

    I’m not married, however I have a large family and I am very hesitant in letting them know about my plans of becoming a doctor. I first told my sister. She laughed, mocking me by saying things like “Dr. Samantha to surgery for an emergency removal of a dumb idea!” After she had her laughs she just told me good luck (in I hope it was a sincere way).

    Than I told my mom. I felt that it would be easier to talk to her first before I talk to dad. My mom is old-fashion and she thinks I should be teacher. After all, to my mom, teaching is the only female job that is receptable. She even said, “Why do you want to work in a hospital? You’ll have the hospital smell on you all the time.” I still don’t even have her support.

    Finally, I told my dad. Now he said I should do whatever makes me happy. I finally felt okay with all this, however I have not told any of my other family members which include two brothers, their wives, my anuts, uncles, the countless number of cousins. Whenever they ask me what I’m studing I say Biochemistry (which is true). Then they ask, “What in the world are you going to be doing with that degree?” I reply, “Research” because I still can’t find the courage to tell them I’m working to become a doctor until I have gotten accpeted into a medical school.

    Can any else relate to this? What is your story?
    Feel free to e-mail me. I will love to hear from you!
    🙂
    [email]Samantha101@email.com[/email]

    #54545
    healthyplushealthyplus
    Participant

    Hello everyone. I just wanted to say that I am truly inspired by all of the women here, who have made the decision to become health professionals. I have been one of those women, who has let life pass me by, have two children, NO FAMILY SUPPORT, and 32 college credits. I want to pursue a career in the health profession, but feel that I am not smart enough. Sometimes I will build up enough courage and say, “enough is enough.” But then I always bring up the what ifs!What if I don’t make it? What if my children become rebellious because I am always studying and not spending time with them? What if I don’t make it? (Said that already) Growing up in a household where my parents died when I was a kid, I never had the proper guidance. After graduating high school,I went away to school,just to be going. Did barely nothing there, and decided to join the Navy. Did that, but fell in love too quick, had my son, and relocated on his father’s terms. Had second son, things did not last in the relationship. I have always tried to go to school, but always had babysitting issues. Currently, I am looking for schools that have on campus family housing. Preferably on the East coast. I will be 28 this year, and feel as though I have accomplished one thing, and that is by coming to this website and realizing that there are people out there trying to do the same thing I am wanting to do. I believe it can be done, but if I can just receive a little bit of advice as to where do I START? Thanks,and sorry for the long message, but I needed to let someone know this.

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