Life is but a dream

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  • #140681
    G3PGY4G3PGY4
    Participant

    [quote=Path201x][

    3) I HAVE seen most of the video and it perplexes me as a long term Scientist who makes decisions based on evidence, why you would assume otherwise. And I personally found it to be more trite and boring than informative. I still keep wishing she would see a speech and language pathologist so she doesn’t sound so much like she has a mouth full of cotton when she speaks.

    4) People are single and divorced for a TON of reasons and I’ve lived long enough to KNOW that true happiness is more about the person NOT their maritial status. In fact, i find your comment about divorced women Docs ill-informed and mysonginist. Most of the professional women I know are divorced because the refused to take $hit off their husbands in the name of “family” for indefinite periods of time, not because they couldn’t balance it all. I’ve also done volunteer work at women’s shelters and I can tell you that most women cant afford to leave their husbands thus, staying miserably married and often in danger in the process. Women docs who need to end their marriages are lucky they can afford to walk and tend to their spiritual selves.

    Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, Bill and Camille Cosby, Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter, Mitt and his wife, heck, Bill and Hillary, there are TONS of other examples of making marriage work that are quite frankly more relatable and realistic for me. [/quote]

    1. I based my assumption on you saying “what on earth could she possibly have to tell me about womanhood, etc” when she clearly addressed it in the film. So I assumed that if you didn’t catch her very concrete explanation, you must not have seen it, because it is pretty easy to see in the film what she has to say about working motherhood, etc. I don’t get the cotton mouth vibe from her, just that she speaks simply, without a lot of flourish.

    2. For every divorced woman who is the “victim who can’t take anymore” I guarantee you there is another one who is just a “ball busting bxtch.” You know the ones. Don’t act like all women can handle being powerful at work and a partner at home.

    So Ann “Why should women be paid equal to men?” Romney, huh? Bill “Little blue dress” Clinton, huh? Those marriages are role models for us? Young people look up to young people. Sure, I’d love to celebrate our 60th anniversary some day, but for now, 20 year olds aren’t thinking about Bill Cosby’s marriage. They’re thinking about Beyonce’s. I would rather my children look up to Beyonce and Jay-Z as role models than Chris Brown and Rihanna, or any of the Love and Hip Hop couples, or the Basketball Wives, or the Real Housewives, or any number of the other Black women in our culture who are doing far more harm than Beyonce.

    Name me another famous couple under 45 who are actively modeling an intact family unit, and maybe I will find new role models. Until then, yes, I look at the Carters. I think, I hope, maybe my husband and I can be that supportive of each others individual efforts. Maybe it’s possible to be at the top of your game and still come home to a family that enhances and doesn’t compete with, or lose out to your career. Anyway, have a good day ladies!

    #140685
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    Anony,

    Are there ball-busting women in the world? Of course, but reread your statement about women docs and ask yourself if you’re talking about ALL women Docs as you seem to imply, or just some?

    Passing judgement on Hillary’s marriage to Bill about the blue dress is naive. According to stats, 60% of ALL married men cheat and I heard the number is around 80% for famous men. So if you think you married the perfect man, that let’s you carry his penis and laptop around in your purse, go with that. And I wish you the very best. Maybe once you get a littel older, you’ll realize that there’s NO one sin that destorys a marriage because no one is perfect, that it’s the repeated negative behavior, whatever form that takes, that does most marriages in. NOT ball busting women Docs.

    BTW, why aren’t 20 something’s looking at their parents or other relatives as role models for marriage? You know what, nevermind…..

    Speaking of role models, I NEVER said that ANY of the couples I named WERE role models, I used them for as examples of long lasting marriages. Unfortunately, you seem to think that a good marriage is without flaws and issues which is delusional. ALL long term marriages have ups and downs, and relationships between husbands and wives are different ie Mitt/Ann Romney. So maybe YOU wouldn’t have tolerated the “blue dress” situation, but maybe an occasional butt-whupping is your cup of tea. My point is that no one sacrifice to make a marriage work is any better or worse than any other, so to point out Ann Romney’s statement and Bill’s blue dress was kinda silly.

    Finally, the Rhianna/Beyonce” comparison is like comparing apples to elephants. Is she married? Is Rhianana someone’s Mama because I missed that CB love child. Is Rhiannna over 30? Does Rhianna’s marketing team try to sell her a a role model for girls?

    Yeah you might want to check that Rhi-Rhi/Beyonce comparison because I never ONCE even mentioned that chick’s name until now. And BTW, Rhi-Rhi is KILLING the game with what’s she’s selling……………..SEX!!!! The question you should ask yourself is WHY is Beyonce’s trying to compete with Rhi in the “funky photos” category?

    #140686
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    There used to be a time when young people looked up to their elders as folks did in MY generation.

    If 20 something’s are really looking up to other 20 somethings as role models, then I’ve NEVER seen a bigger case of the blind leading the blind in my entire life! And this is especially dangerous in the Black community.

    In fact, given the obesity epidemic in this country, I suspect that this generation of 20 something’s will be sitiing right NEXT to me in the nursing home in 40 years, LOL!!!

    #140693
    G3PGY4G3PGY4
    Participant

    [quote=Path201x]Anony,

    Are there ball-busting women in the world? Of course, but reread your statement about women docs and ask yourself if you’re talking about ALL women Docs as you seem to imply, or just some?

    Passing judgement on Hillary’s marriage to Bill about the blue dress is naive. According to stats, 60% of ALL married men cheat and I heard the number is around 80% for famous men. So if you think you married the perfect man, that let’s you carry his penis and laptop around in your purse, go with that. And I wish you the very best. Maybe once you get a littel older, you’ll realize that there’s NO one sin that destorys a marriage because no one is perfect, that it’s the repeated negative behavior, whatever form that takes, that does most marriages in. NOT ball busting women Docs.

    BTW, why aren’t 20 something’s looking at their parents or other relatives as role models for marriage? You know what, nevermind…..

    Speaking of role models, I NEVER said that ANY of the couples I named WERE role models, I used them for as examples of long lasting marriages. Unfortunately, you seem to think that a good marriage is without flaws and issues which is delusional. ALL long term marriages have ups and downs, and relationships between husbands and wives are different ie Mitt/Ann Romney. So maybe YOU wouldn’t have tolerated the “blue dress” situation, but maybe an occasional butt-whupping is your cup of tea. My point is that no one sacrifice to make a marriage work is any better or worse than any other, so to point out Ann Romney’s statement and Bill’s blue dress was kinda silly.

    Finally, the Rhianna/Beyonce” comparison is like comparing apples to elephants. Is she married? Is Rhianana someone’s Mama because I missed that CB love child. Is Rhiannna over 30? Does Rhianna’s marketing team try to sell her a a role model for girls?

    Yeah you might want to check that Rhi-Rhi/Beyonce comparison because I never ONCE even mentioned that chick’s name until now. And BTW, Rhi-Rhi is KILLING the game with what’s she’s selling……………..SEX!!!! The question you should ask yourself is WHY is Beyonce’s trying to compete with Rhi in the “funky photos” category? [/quote]

    definitely not saying all women docs are ball busters, just that many of the ones who couldn’t maintain a family are.

    the stats I’ve read say that 88% of men who cheat do so with reason (emotional unavailability, sexual unfulfillment, etc) and 12% just do it. So of the “60%” who cheat, guaranteed some of those would have been prevented with more attention on the marriage. It takes two, of course. And it’s harder if both partners have engrossing careers.

    I never said I married the perfect man. In 10 years, I’ve found that neither of us is perfect, but we love each other dearly and are working towards a long future together. We have an agreement of monogamy, which is really not that hard to maintain if you commit to it, and if you aren’t with a man who is a philanderer by nature, which you probably should have picked up on in your courtship.

    Personally, I don’t look to my parents because my mother was one of those ball busters, and partly because she wasn’t able to maintain a work-life balance, they had a nasty split that surely colors my thinking about working motherhood. So yeah, I pay a lot more attention to it. The generation above mine had to go through that so that women like me could have it a little better.

    Some of the couples you mentioned are great examples of long lasting marriages. But they were 30 and 40 once. We should be able to have examples of working women in functional marriages at all stages. Personally, I relate to Beyonce and Jay-Z because they are at a point in their life a little ahead of mine. She is at the pinnacle of her career — I am at the beginning of mine. We both have young children. I felt her sense of being overwhelmed and having to trust god when she found out she was pregnant, because I felt like that too. Her story resonates with me, and with many women.

    I mentioned Rihanna in contrast to Beyonce, because while they are both pop stars, Rihanna is far more likely to be remembered as a “coochie popping poptart.” If you want a comparison to other married working women in the spotlight, maybe the Basketball wives, who are professional groupies, should be considered. Or… who?

    Like I said, Beyonce is a pop star. You seem to disagree with her career choice. But if you don’t respect the level to which she has taken her career (no matter how you feel about it) while at the same time maintaining a 10 year relationship and being a mother, well then your standards for success are quite different from mine.

    We can agree to disagree on that.

    #140695
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    [quote=Anonymamanous] So of the “60%” who cheat, guaranteed some of those would have been prevented with more attention on the marriage. It takes two, of course. And it’s harder if both partners have engrossing careers. [/quote]

    Lawd have mercy is all I can say about this, besides sounding painfully naive, it sounds like you are blaming women which is actually okay because you’re entitled to have that opinion. I guess I’m suprised no one else see’s the fallacy in this position, but it won’t be the first time I’ve had an opinion solo on Mommd.

    As for monogamy, I think most people have that agreement when they get married, and for those who don’t (ie open marriages) if that works for them, that’s swell too. My point is that there’s no one definition of what makes a good or bad marriage work or fail.

    About Beyonce’s career, I don’t agree or disagree with it, I just call a spade a spade. And a talented, married, mother over 30 coochie popping in every video/performance, and posing in her underwear on a men’s magazine and is simply tacky, tasteless, and ‘ho-ish IMHO.

    #140696
    megboomegboo
    Participant

    [quote=Anonymamanous]also megboo I found it interesting that there was not a lot of emphasis on her political affiliation in the film. Of course, being that she directed and produced the thing, this was a conscious move. I bet the CEO of Pepsi doesn’t agree with her political views either, but you see how that’s working out… [/quote]

    I haven’t seen the film in its entirety, I was just speaking from my personal perspective. I mention it because in the recent past I’ve gotten a few odd glances and comments from my like for Beyonce and approval of her halftime performance. Seems people think because I’m not a liberal that I must not enjoy the music from some liberal performers or appreciate the talent and work it took to get them where they are.

    LOL, I’m sure the CEO of Pepsi may not agree with some of her views either, but both of them agree on profit 😉

    #140706
    G3PGY4G3PGY4
    Participant

    [quote=Path201x][quote=Anonymamanous] So of the “60%” who cheat, guaranteed some of those would have been prevented with more attention on the marriage. It takes two, of course. And it’s harder if both partners have engrossing careers. [/quote]

    Lawd have mercy is all I can say about this, besides sounding painfully naive, it sounds like you are blaming women which is actually okay because you’re entitled to have that opinion. I guess I’m suprised no one else see’s the fallacy in this position, but it won’t be the first time I’ve had an opinion solo on Mommd.

    As for monogamy, I think most people have that agreement when they get married, and for those who don’t (ie open marriages) if that works for them, that’s swell too. My point is that there’s no one definition of what makes a good or bad marriage work or fail.

    About Beyonce’s career, I don’t agree or disagree with it, I just call a spade a spade. And a talented, married, mother over 30 coochie popping in every video/performance, and posing in her underwear on a men’s magazine and is simply tacky, tasteless, and ‘ho-ish IMHO. [/quote]

    It may be naive. I am only 10 years into what I hope is a lifetime commitment. But I have met quite a few women who have gotten cheated on, and only 1 of them has been because the dude was truly a Lil Wayne type polygynist. Most girls, I’m like wow I would have cheated on/left you too. No I’m not blaming women, entirely. As you quoted, I said “it takes two.” The ultimate blame in cheating lies with the cheater but to deny that infidelity in a marriage previously committed to monogamy represents a failure of both parties.

    Maybe I’m anti-feminist to say that gender roles are actually based in biology, and that we should embrace them and work with them to build a stronger society*. I’ll just say this though — among our ancestors, it was not the men carrying the babies on their backs as they worked. I do think that my generation’s predecessors, in many ways, had to act like men in order to be treated as equals. The thing is though, while we equally capable of excellence, we are also very different from men and have different needs. Yes, I advocate for “family rights” and consideration of men in the workforce as parents too. But the fact is, my husband doesn’t really need to worry about nursing the next child we have for 1-2 years while trying to be productive in my career. So I feel that the employment establishment (to include the government) needs to accommodate humans in families, in the unique ways that we (as males and females) need it to.

    *train of thought hits the other side of the cliff* I feel like in society, I see a lot of men brow-beaten by their women, and I’m like wow just be nice to your man he loves you. I’m not saying go back to the 50’s (I’m also not saying I don’t listen to “Cater 2 U” and think about my husband). I’m saying we need a culture of mutual respect and love and communication that is often lacking in our culture (c.f Bridezilla). Every couple has its glue and its divisive issues, but it’s up to each unit to maintain the bond. It takes a lot of work. When I was 20 and falling in love I asked my dad what he would have done differently, and he said “I would have worked harder to keep it.” I took that to heart.

    I agree with you that there is no definition of a marriage outside that marriage.

    So the spade is Beyonce and the spade is a ho? Okay, we can agree. Beyonce sells sex. Beautifully packaged, exhilarating, (now marital) sex. (and girl power). She is paid very highly to do so. So technically, although her tax return might say CEO, she is a prostitute. We agree! 😀 But like megboo said, sometimes we can disagree with someone’s values and still respect their hustle.

    Shoot, I disagree with you Path201x but I respect yours. When my son is in high school I hope he’s still loving learning as much as it appears your daughter does. It’s been a heck of a fun ride so far, so I can only imagine what lies ahead.

    Have a good day y’all. 4th years the algorithm is doing its job. Here’s to the 11th!

    #140708
    G3PGY4G3PGY4
    Participant

    Germane to the conversation. http://madamenoire.com/263584/a-good-husband-will-challenge-his-wife-to-try-sherri-shepherd-on-jay-z-and-beyonces-relationship/

    I love that this next tour is the “Mrs. Carter tour.” I feel like being Mrs is as important to me as being Dr and they both take a lot of work!

    I promise y’all this senioritis is too real. Let me get to doing something productive! Lol

    #140710
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    [quote=Anonymamanous]I love that this next tour is the “Mrs. Carter tour.” I feel like being Mrs is as important to me as being Dr and they both take a lot of work![/quote]

    LOVE the name of the tour!

    And I’ll bet you 10 bucks she’ll do EVERY number of her show in 10 pounds of weave, LOL!!!

    #140711
    G3PGY4G3PGY4
    Participant

    [quote=Path201x][quote=Anonymamanous]I love that this next tour is the “Mrs. Carter tour.” I feel like being Mrs is as important to me as being Dr and they both take a lot of work![/quote]

    LOVE the name of the tour!

    And I’ll bet you 10 bucks she’ll do EVERY number of her show in 10 pounds of weave, LOL!!! [/quote]

    I do wish she would take her sister’s lead and wear her natural hair. Sigh

    #140712
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    [quote=Anonymamanous]I do wish she would take her sister’s lead and wear her natural hair. Sigh [/quote]

    Now THAT is something we can agree on!!! 🙂

    #141193
    Zeze 'sMumZeze’sMum
    Participant

    [quote=Path201x][quote=Anonymamanous]I don’t know if your husband has the leader of the free world as a friend but if he did, I would think he would want to be known for a little more than his strong features. [/quote]

    I’m not sure what the point of bringing MY husband into the conversation was but since you did, let me first say that it isn’t received well for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact tht this thread was SUPPOSED to be about all things Beyonce’.

    But since you did bring up my business owner, trained as an Engineer WITH an MS degree, Naval officer that did “special” things in the Navy, husband let me reassure you who Jay-Z is “friends” with doesnt impress me in the least. And since DH has visits to “white houses” in his line of work for the government, I’m really NOT impressed. But then, I see highly successful Black men EVERYDAY, so it’s no big deal or shock for me. And most didn’t get their business start selling ” pharmaceutical products” on the streets either.

    And that violin playing, chinese speaking, tennis champion, future civil engineer that can graduate high school with high honors as a JUNIOR if SHE chooses? Well, that’s just the manisfestation of DH being a GREAT daddy too which is FAR more important than whose “house” her Dad visits in the course of a day.

    Clearly, you STAN for Beyonce and Jay-Z, but some the rest of us are too busy doing great things in our OWN familiy life to sweat some other celebrities success.

    PS- Jay-Z is the most “physically challenged” man in hip-hop and just like pouring perfume on a pig “won’t change ‘dat stank”, denying this FACT is laughable!

    PSS- when it comes to many things, I’m conservative and I’m pretty CONSISTENT with that position.

    PSS- URGH, I had to edit the heck out of what I originally wrote due to security concerns! [/quote]

    You better PREACH!!!!!!!!!

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