married momof3 medschool2004

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  • #114675
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    A beautiful day. :goodvibes:

    I’m sitting on my back porch in my capris and tank top with the sun shining out of a clear blue sky just thinking about how lucky I am and how grateful I am to be here in this moment.

    Today I did something that I wish I had done sooner in my time as a medical student. I went to speak at a middle school in a poor school district in the area. I was asked to go by our minority recruitment and retention office. I’ve read the emails requesting students to do this kind of stuff many times over the last 4 years, but always felt either over scheduled or as if I was too “old” for these kids to relate to.

    Well, the office contacted me by phone this time and asked me point blank and boy am I glad they did. It was a very well-organized career day. I was joined by an administrator from our med school and another medical student who will be graduating with my class this year. We spoke to 3 different 6th grade classes.

    Wow, I had forgotten what it’s like to work with minority kids who are in sub-optimal school districts. I used to do casework and I taught elementary school in a similar situation, but it’s been years. I’d forgotten how rewarding it is to work with these kids. It’s a real joy to see a spark in the eyes of a kid who might not have otherwise even thought about higher education.

    I’m so accustomed to my own kids and their friends. At one point I asked the kids to raise their hands if they had access to the internet (so I could recommend a website and search tool for them). I was really astonished that half the kids didn’t raise their hands and looked at me blankly when I mentioned google. My own children have been doing research projects that require internet access since they were in elementary school! It’s unthinkable that in this day and age we have children in the public school system that don’t get this necessary exposure. Afterall, how many of us applied to college or med school with an online application?

    Well, I just have to say that the teachers were wonderful, the kids well-behaved and asking good questions. There were over 20 different volunteers there from many different fields, pastors and business men and beauticians and educators. It all just really inspired me to start doing community service again. I used to do a lot of service type things, but since the kids were born I’ve always had a reason to be too busy (and it’s the truth). But who, if not us, will go talk to these kids and open their eyes to the opportunities out there in the world? Who will inspire them? Who will tell them that with hard work and determination they can discover something beyond what their communities are offering them right now?

    I’m also reminded to be eternally grateful for the opportunities and education that I have had. If it weren’t for the ambition and hardwork of my African American family on my mother’s side and the Italian immigrants on my father’s side, I would not have had the excellent education and support that I enjoyed and still benefit from.

    My kids. My kids have no real idea of how lucky they are. You can be sure I’ll be telling them all about my experiences today, however. And I will remember to tell stories about the people and children that I worked with before they were born and as I progress through my training.

    So yeah, I had tears rolling down my cheeks while I was sitting on the porch this afternoon. What I’ve come to realize in the last week is that my tears are of joy and relief and gratitude and even some amazement that I am here at this point in my life. I dreamed of this for a long, long time, but to see it becoming a reality is a far sweeter gift than I ever imagined.

    I may be crazy, but I am just that happy. :goodvibes:

    #114685
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Match Day was wonderful. I am fantastically happy. I’m going to be a Pediatrician! :goodvibes:

    Life is grand.

    #114694
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Warning: This is not a happy post.

    At first I was going to write about some frustration I have with a lack of teaching and a lack of interest in my existence as a student on my current rotation, but I know that most of my unhappiness actually stems from something else. The current rotation in the NICU is very interesting. I like it. I think it’s for me.

    So, on to the real issues which have nothing to do with my role as a mother or medical student.

    My grandmother is sick and in the hospital. She was admitted from her nursing home for fever and difficulty breathing. She’s had Alzheimers for many years now. It’s severe. She does not eat, talk or really move on her own. She occasionally cries and is fearful of strangers. Strangers consitute just about everyone in her life now, even my mother, her daughter, who visits her daily. It’s awful.

    The horrible thing is, the doctors told my mother initially that she had pneumonia and that they thought she might likely die soon. (she has a DNR) My mother, bless her, moved to her old hometown (with my dad in tow) to take care of my grandmother in her final months. That was 6 years ago. Despite all prognosis and predictions otherwise, my grandmother has lived longer and with better general health than most Alzheimer’s patients do at her stage. But my grandmother is now improving and they are talking about discharging her in a day or two.

    So my mother has gone from thinking her mother is dying and will finally be released from this awful prison of a disease and now it looks like things will just continue.

    Times like these I get really, deeply angry. It seems so wrong to me that my grandmother has to suffer this way. The one thing my grandmother dreaded as she watched her own mother succumb to this illness was that she would one day lose her mental faculties and be trapped in a bed in a nursing home. Her worst nightmare come true. My mother did everything she could to keep my grandmother at home, but it just became too complicated to care for her. My mother agonized over the decision for far too long.

    I’m not angry at my mom, of course. I hurt for her. I’m on the phone with her daily because I know she needs my support and she doesn’t seem to turn to anyone else. I know if I don’t call it means she’s not getting to talk about it at all.

    I guess I’m angry at god. That someone who sacrificed as much in her life as my grandmother, who was a devote Catholic, who endured so many hardships only to spend the last 5 years of her life slowly deteriorating to this point just seems so wrong and unfair.

    Hrm. I thought I was going to write about grief but it seems I’m writing about anger instead. Should I post it or shouldn’t I? It’s life. It’s part of my life as a granddaughter, a daughter, a med student, a mother, a wife. The roles get truly complicated at times. I could have written today about the death of a baby, but my own personal feelings are dictating the blog at this moment. I suppose there will be plenty of time to write about the loss of a patient. The rawness of my own grief and frustration is a far heavier burden at the moment.

    #114704
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I was walking out of the NICU at 10am this morning. We had already rounded with the Fellow and the Attending doc. It was Sunday. I had been told that it was expected that I would leave once rounds were done. As I was walking out though, it felt wrong. I had gotten a new patient that was born overnight. A sick baby with lots of labs getting done and vent settings to be changed and orders to be written as results came in. Of course no one expected me to do that. I can’t. Of course no one expected me to spend the whole day there. That’s what the on-call team does over the weekend. But I couldn’t leave. I kept thinking in the back of my mind “you have a chance to watch the hour to hour management of a sick baby and you’re going to leave???”

    I made it to the stairwell, called my husband and got his blessing, and turned around and went back into the NICU. I’m really glad I did. The baby did just fine. The labs were all perfect and the vent settings were weaned. Nothing much actually happened with that patient. However, I finally got a chance to talk with the Fellow some. I got to ask questions that I haven’t had the opportunity to ask during the busy week. I also got to accompany the fellow on a consult with a woman in preterm labor. All this teaching was well worth the extra 3 hours of time that I could have spent at home.

    When I did get home, I went grocery shopping with hubby and then we took one of the boys to play putt-putt golf. I got a full body workout in and there’s a chicken baking in the oven. All in all, a very good day. 😀 Days like this make me feel like all things are possible.

    How’s grandma? Well, things are as they are. I have to accept that my mother is very unhappy and that won’t change. I can’t fix it. I can’t change what’s going on with grandma either. I have to accept that this is the way things are and do my best to be supportive of my mom and understanding that this trial continues for now. I’m thankful that I do have the opportunity to be a source of comfort for my mom and that I have my husband by my side, willing to listen and let me cry on his shoulder when needed.

    #114713
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Uggh. I’m so tired! But, the NICU continues to be great. I feel like I know absolutely nothing and really wish I had a colleague at the same level of training as me so that I could get a reality check and maybe some comraderie. It’s tough when my only comparisons are the interns who are nearly done with their first year and the 3rd years who are about to finish their pediatric training. I feel like I should be on the same level, have the same knowledge as them. But I don’t. So now’s the part where I tell myself that it’s okay, *pat, pat* I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. 😉

    I’m reading a ton and feeling like it’s not enough or I’m not smart enough to absorb it and understand it all. But my expectations are high. I know that about myself.

    My attending wants me to make 2 (not one!) presentations to the team in the next 2 1/2 weeks. 😮 I guess that’s okay. At least I can talk about the clinical aspects of my research and that might actually be useful for them. Not so sure what the 2nd topic will be. I’ll probably ask the Fellow what he would suggest.

    I think I need a nap.

    #114721
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Today was my 7th straight day in the NICU. Fortunately rounds were fast and I’m home before noon. Tomorrow is my day off. 🙂

    I have to say that after 2 weeks on the service I’m a heck of a lot smarter than I was when I started. :laughing:

    I also decided to take a deep breath yesterday and chill out a bit. I’ve been trying way too hard to impress my Fellow and Attending docs. At first I thought the lack of questions from the attending and lack of general attention were due to my being somehow unimpressive. Eventually I calmed down and realized it was okay and that the focus was on questioning the interns. I could stand there and listen and learn without the pressure of being pimped. *whew!* I was able to take a step back and realize that I was kinda being a gunner and that it was totally unnecessary. 😉 No one is evaluating my suitability for Fellowship based on my elective as a med student! (note to self: Duh!)

    I’ve learned a lot just being at the bedside of several patients and watching the management and decision processes that the physicians go through. I’m also amazed to discover at how little research and solid info we have on the treatment of our littlest patients in the NICU. Room for research! I know I’m only scratching the surface of things now, but it’s building a base of knowledge and a frame of reference that will be very useful to me in the coming months and years. Afterall, I’ll be the intern on this service sometime in the next year!

    Although the census on this unit isn’t very high, I’ve been able to observe the management of babies with a variety of problems. We’ve had patients with IUGR and surgical problems and prematurity and bad lung disease in just these two weeks so far.

    Very, very interesting, exhausting, exhilarating, upsetting, uplifting… it really runs the gamut of thoughts and feelings.

    Compassion, which is so vital in medicine, is especially important and sometimes difficult in the NICU. There are times when you want to be angry because of bad things that happen to babies in-utero that could have been avoided or prevented or taken care of sooner. But, that doesn’t help the baby and it doesn’t help the relationship between the doctors and the families. I think compassion is something that has to be conciously attended to in these situations.

    So now I have a day and a half to be with my family, work on my paper & poster & some extra data my mentor has asked for, and have dinner and drinks with friends. (and do laundry and get my daughter a haircut and buy groceries… 😉 )

    #114731
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    There some moments in your life as a mom where you wonder “how the hell did I get to this point???” It’s often not the things you would expect. My 13 year old daughter approached me a couple of nights ago with some obvious distress. I waited patiently, brushing my teeth and trying not to look too interested. (if you have a kid like mine, you know what I mean. too much interest makes her clam up when she’s nervous.) Finally she says “Mom, I need to shave.”

    :rotfl:

    I hope I didn’t look too much like a deer in the headlights when she uttered those words! I mean, I knew this day was coming. I’m well aware of Tanner stages as a future pediatrician. I had even begun to wonder if all the hormones were working right since she’s coming up on 14 and just hitting these milestones. (I swear her friends hit puberty 2 years ago.)

    Anyway, it was funny. I gave her a razor, explained the way to shave and had a total flashback to my 11 year old self having the same conversation with my mom. I told her if she didn’t let me shave I would refuse to answer questions in 6th grade because I couldn’t raise my hand without exposing my armpits!

    The other big thing in the works today is a haircut. The context for this is funny to me. I had hair past my waist from probably kindergarden to my senior year of HS. Why? Because my mother thought it was beautiful and wouldn’t let me cut it. I finally rebeled while away at a college prep program in the summer before my senior year and got it cut and layered to my shoulder blades. Such audacity! :laughing:

    Anyway, my daughter has had past her waist since kindergarden as well. I always offer to cut it shorter and she always refuses. Really. 3 times in the past she has donated 10inches of hair and it has been as short as her mid-back, but that’s as far as she’ll go. She’ll only do it for LocksofLove. But today she wants to donate and it isn’t quite as long yet. It’ll come to just below the tops of her shoulders if she does the full 10inches. It’s been quite the drama for her to decide to do this. She also wants layers and some fringe bangs so that it’s not so flat on her head. She has long straight honey-brown hair. (unlike mine which is dark brown and quite curly) It’s just interesting to me to watch her going through this process. It’s weird, too, to realize over again that I am the parent of a teenager.

    As for the NICU.
    Well, I really like it. I love all the physiology. The nutrition aspects are also very interesting and complex. Of course the patients are fascinating. I love helping the little ones.

    But. But it’s harder than I thought it would be. What I mean is, losing patients is harder and happens more often than I realized. It’s not to say that I didn’t think losing a patient would be hard, but what I didn’t realize was how complicated the feelings can be. I’ve learned how to emotionally disconnect from the immediate situations so that I’m not overwhelmed with tears. What I haven’t learned well is how to deal with those feelings later on. I’m also really uncertain about how I will deal with being the person who gives the bad news to families. I’ve been at the bedside when patients died and I’ve been in the room with the physician explaining to the parents why the baby is not doing well and will likely die soon. But how I will open my mouth and say those words and not wind up either seeming distant and cold (to keep from crying) or sobbing along with the family is beyond me at this point.

    Yet, oddly, this doesn’t deter me. It just makes the job seem a lot more intimidating as a trainee. It’s hard to get other residents to talk about it, too. I’ll have to rely on my close friends and fellow interns (and husband), more than likely, to help me navigate these waters.

    But it feels so right for me to be there. It feels like the place where I can do my best work and be the most on my game and involved and make the biggest difference.

    I should add that I have officially signed my contract for next year. 😀 Yay, I finally get to make a little money!!! I’ve also requested one of my 2 vacation weeks as the kids’ Spring Break. I was very careful to only request that one thing, leave the other week up the the Chief, and to not rank holidays and such that I know other interns will want. I discussed it with hubby and kids and they were all of the opinion that while I may not be available from presents on Christmas morning, those could move up or back a day and we’d still be together. OTOH, missing their spring vacation and not being able to travel with the family would be worse in everyone’s mind. So, I’ll probably be working every holiday in the coming year, but that’s the way it goes. Thanksgiving dinner will happen on Wednesday or Friday if it has to. We’ll see how we all feel about it when it happens.

    #114741
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Had to drop in and say that I have finished my last day on my last rotation as a med student!!! 😀

    I would have thought it might be a more monumentous occasion, but really it went out very quietly. I was the only student on the rotation, and the one upper level resident that I connected with and chatted with a lot was off today. We said good-bye yesterday. She’ll be finishing her training in June and will be off to start general practice in a suburb on the other side of the city from me. That’s too bad, because I do enjoy her company and it would have been nice to have coffee with her once in a while. It’s not too often that I come across another mom who started her training a little bit later and can relate to me like that. (she took years off between med school and residency)

    Anyway, my point was to say that after nearly 4 years of powering my way through one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, it seems like there ought to be more to the last day than just finishing presenting a patient on rounds and then heading out alone to the parking garage and home. I’m feeling a wee bit sorry for myself since my hubby is out of town (again for the 3rd time in 2 weeks) and my med school buddy is also out of town.

    So it’s just me, the cats and a couple of mindless novels for the afternoon. :laughing:

    I’m sure I’ll be busy playing taxi driver to my kids this weekend, math club and bday parties are already on the calendar.

    But I have lots to look forward to, including leaving for the conference in Honolulu with my mom in 2 weeks. 😀 Think I can lose 10 lbs by then? :laughing:

    #114751
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Sunday night at dinner my husband asked the kids, “If you were on vacation for a few weeks before starting a really hard job, what would you do while on that vacation?” (not very subtle, is he?)
    My kids replies:
    “See a bunch of movies I’ve been waiting to see.”
    “Hang out with all my friends.”
    “Read lots of books.”
    “Take a long trip.”
    Okay, there were several silly replies too, but those were the serious answers. So, I’m doing my best to follow my kids’ suggestions. I have no idea what movies to see, but I won’t hesitate to rent or go see one when the mood strikes me. I already have 2 trips planned. 😀 I bought 2 books last Friday and I’m already reading the second one.
    Today I’m going shopping with one of my med school buddies. I need clothes for the conference! I’m leaving a week from Friday. The best thing happened yesterday. I was trying to figure out what I already have in my closet so I could be smart about my shopping today. I had bought several things for a trip last summer with my hubby that I hadn’t even looked at since then. I tried on this loose fitting dress with an empire waist that looked pretty good last summer. It was too big! 😮 I mean, really too big. The fitted capris that were a little tight last summer fit perfectly now! My weight hasn’t changed much, but I guess I’m a lot more toned now. Can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I tried on a dress from the back of my closet that I wore on a family trip to the beach right before I started med school in ’04. The dress is so big now I had to keep pulling up the bodice. :blush: I’d forgotten how far I’ve come. Sure, I still need to lose about 10lbs to make it to that standard “healthy weight” in the middle of the charts, but I’m finally within the range. It feels awfully good. I’ve definitely been lighter than I am now, but that was 8+ years ago (WW after the twins were born). What I couldn’t have done at that weight was run a marathon, or even run 3 miles. I was skinny but not particularly fit.

    Anyway, I’m rambling. But you know how it is, especially if you’ve had kids and ever struggled with your weight. This is a big deal.

    Speaking of big deals, I applied for my Physician in Training License yesterday. :rotfl:

    #114760
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I cannot decide what color to paint my kitchen. 😡 Here’s my problem. The stupid cabinets are an olive tone, but the tile is orangey terracotta and the countertops are sorta taupe. Let’s not forget the brick surrounding the cooktop which is muted red-hued brick color. I did not pick these colors and I’d like to kick the designer who did! :p

    I love warm colors. 2 walls of my living room, which is open to the kitchen, are a gorgeous red clay. I love colors like chocolate and red and earthy oranges and gold. My cabinets do not. You see my problem? So I bought a pint of taupe paint which coordinates well with the cabinets and countertop. Great. Only problem is, looking at the color depresses me! I feel mopey around taupe. So what to do? Mom says paint the red clay color in the kitchen and go with a slightly lighter but also warm color in the eating area. Guess I’ll buy another pint today and see what I think. I just can’t live with taupe. It’s too sad.

    In other news, my daughter has to see a plastic surgeon. Yes, a plastic surgeon. She has scars on her chest from her heart surgery which are interfering with her…development on one side. She would be horrified if she knew I was writing about this. But, I don’t want to talk to people who know her because I don’t want to embarrass her or have it accidently get out that they know. I feel terrible. I know it’s not my fault that this has happened. We knew it might because the scar is from a chest tube which was just below her nipple when she was an infant. We asked about that scar when she was just a few months old. But, it wasn’t until puberty started and I remembered to ask about it this week that it became an issue. She was too embarrassed to bring it up herself. I just feel so bad that something we did to her is now causing problems in a completely unrelated part of her life as a young woman. I hope and pray that all that needs to be done is a release of the scar tissue which is adhered to the chest wall. I hope nothing further needs to be done. She’s already such a private person that just seeing the pediatrician to get the appropriate referral was harrowing for her.

    Life as a mom is hard in so many ways that we never dream about when we’re imagining having our children. Heaven knows I never dreamed I’d be taking my 5 week old baby to the hospital for an open heart surgery. Why on earth I’m so upset about this scar when her health is 100% perfect and she’s never had a single other issue related to her heart, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because we have been so fortunate that every check-up and every echo has been perfect. Now is that first time I’ve ever dealt with a consequence of that heart defect and the surgery. As a mother, I feel so so responsible. I feel like it’s my fault that I didn’t “make her right” even though every logical fiber of my being knows that is not the case and that nothing I did made that defect occur. As a medical student, I know this as well. But nothing will completely take away that feeling of having failed some little bit, in the dark recesses of my heart. That fear…

    Whoa. It’s amazing what you can write sometimes when you don’t know what’s hiding just below the surface. I’ll be a pop psychologist now and say, is it any wonder that I want to spend my career caring for tiny babies who’ve gotten a rough start to life?

    But you know what? I can be proud of that. There’s nothing at all wrong with cosmically paying back the blessings I’ve been given in the form of my healthy children. (lets not forget my 4 weeks of bedrest and 35 weeks twins!)

    So, I can’t decide what color to paint my kitchen. But it won’t be taupe. I don’t need any unhappy colors in my life. 😉

    #114769
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Forgot to mention that I am thinking about starting a new blog for the residency years. Maybe title it “married momof3 resident2008?” I’ll have to put a link to the med school blog on the first post so that I don’t have to retell a bunch of the story.

    #114778
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Wow, almost done with this blog! I checked out of my med school today. Turned in my badge, which while it doesn’t prove anything about my being a med student, still made me a bit nostalgic. I’ve been wearing that thing for 4 years!

    I painted my kitchen before I left for the conference. It is now “Italian Roast.” Sounds weird, but the warm chocolately brown actually looks gorgeous in my big bright kitchen. I have enough windows and tile to pull off the darker color. I love, love, love it! :goodvibes:

    The PAS conference in Honolulu was amazing! 😀 (Pediatric Academic Societies) It was a bit overwhelming at first, with all the lectures and posters and the huge exhibitors hall. There were over 750 research posters presented each day for 3 days! I’m glad mine was on the last day so that I had a chance to see the other posters and watch people talking about them, etc.

    I attended some interesting presentations. Most of them were neonatology related, but a few were general peds topics.

    My poster went over pretty well. I had several program directors and department chiefs come and ask me about the work. Several asked if I was planning to get it published and more than one expressed surprise that I was “just” a med student. I think more than half the posters had an attending physician as first author. The other half were “trainees” which means med students, residents or fellows. I have to admit feeling a little pride that there weren’t that many med students at this conference. Of course I know I was there because I have lucked into an excellent research situation with a very generous mentor. 😉 Still, it feels good to pat myself on the back a little. It’s rare that I do that.

    Just in case you thought things were going along perfectly with me, I had a little…big meltdown tonight. It had something to do with me sobbing and saying I couldn’t do it and that I was going to fail and nobody would love me anymore. Actually, it sounded more like “I’m going to faaaaaaaaiiiiillllllll!!!” followed by a lot of sobbing and incoherent mutterings about my children hating me and everybody shaking their heads and saying “too bad she failed like that, she was so promising!” :rolleyes: I really know how to fall apart when I’m jet-lagged, overtired, and running around trying to get all the last minute graduation stuff taken care of!

    It doesn’t help that I’m getting nearly daily emails from residency program with new paperwork and schedules and orientation forms. I swear a tree has to die everytime I open another email from them!

    At the end of my poster session Monday evening, my mentor says to me, “Now about that paper you need to submit before starting residency…”

    No wonder it’s after midnight and I’m still awake trying to calm down. Not that writing about this stuff is calming me down. I’m wound tighter than… than… shoot, can’t think of a good analogy. Suffice to say I ate 4 biscuits with honey after dinner tonight. :blush: Who me, nervous about residency? *pshaw*

    It’s not so much the residency itself as it is fearing how I will handle that plus my family and my marriage and how will I avoid gaining back those 30lbs when my response to big stress and no sleep is to eat carbs??? This is what’s keeping me awake tonight. I’m reduced to contemplating a glass of wine or a shot of something to shut my brain up. :p

    #114788
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I just reread my post from last night. Sounds pretty funny today. I sure was torqued up last night!

    I’m having the same problem tonight of being exhausted at 8pm (I fell asleep on the couch with the lights on) and then wide awake after 10pm. Time change could explain a little of it, but mostly I think it’s excitement. There are a million things that need to happen in the next 10 days. I need to fill out and chase down some paperwork for residency, plan a graduation party at my house, attend a class party, welcome a large percentage of my extended family to my house next weekend 😀 , attend some graduation rehearsals and luncheons and the like, get my paper into submission order (as much as possible), pack for my trip to Kauai, set my kids’ plans for the summer… the list goes on. I suppose some of it will wait until I get back the last of May. Still, there’s 2 weeks between my return and the start of intern orientation. 😮 Suddenly that seems like a very short time.

    I ordered my long white coat today. Crazy, huh? Thinking back to myself at this time of year in 2003 or 2004, I couldn’t even begin to imagine where I am now. In 2003 I was biting my nails waiting for my MCAT results and preparing my applications. In 2004 I was selling my house and moving here and trying to prepare myself mentally for med school. If I think about it, I was much more scared of applying and of med school than I really needed to be. For years before actually applying I was certain med school would ruin my family. Far from it, we’re better than we’ve ever been. The schedules, while grueling at times, worked out okay. So maybe I shouldn’t be so nervous about intern year. Residency is only 3 years, one year less than I spent in med school!

    Back to the white coat, it feels strange to order it. I feel a little like a teen buying her first formal dress for prom. Is this really me? Will it fit? Will I look funny in it? Will I feel awkward? It’s funny how quickly you can forget you’re a 38 year old mother of 3 about to celebrate your 17th wedding anniversary and be right back in those insecure adolescent shoes over something as simple as the length of your coat! :scratchchin: But hey, I’ve never worked so hard to earn the right to wear a piece of wardrobe as I have for this coat. I splurged and bought cotton with cloth buttons ‘cus I hate polyester and plastic. (many programs purchase coats for interns, mine doesn’t)

    In trying to figure out how to simplify a few things at home so that it runs a bit more smoothly once I’m working, I’ve contemplated buying a stand alone freezer. My husband didn’t see the point at first. But we have a side by side fridge and the freezer side doesn’t hold all that much for a family of 5. We buy groceries every week. Of course we have to buy produce and milk, but we also have to restock the frozen veggies and meats and veg patties and frozen dinners (for lunch) that are our staples. If we had a freezer, we could buy those things in bulk and spend less time at the store on a weekly basis. Given that I will only have 1 day off a week, I’d just as soon spend less of that day in the grocery store. I’d also like to stock the freezer with lasagnas and casseroles and pre-set meals so that all we need to do on the really busy nights and weeks is pull something out the night before and stick it in the oven when we get home from work. My husband doesn’t see the point yet, but I bet a few weeks of him being responsible for making most of the dinners will bring him around. 😉 I’m assuming that while I may be home 3/4 or 4/5 nights a week, I may be too tired to generate and execute a meal plan.

    What else is there to ramble about while I wait for sleep to return to me? I’m feeling much better, actually. Today I feel like excited about the prospect of starting my training to be a pediatrician. I’m done with the classroom learning at long last and done pretending to like specialties that I really didn’t care for. At long last the path I have desired to be on for so many years. 😀

    #114797
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Got to sleep at a decent hour last night. I think it helped that I had a good old-fashioned meltdown yesterday. Hubby shot down the freezer idea, saying it would cost so much money to buy and run and we don’t even know if we’d really use it. He’s right. But I felt at the time like he was shooting down the only idea I had to make intern year survivable. (Yeah, I know. A freezer is hardly a plan to start with…) Needless to say, I got all irritable and snapped at him and took everything he said the wrong way.

    It worked out eventually. Or rather, I did. We had a good heart to heart and then went to a friend’s house for a get-together with a bunch of runner friends. It was nice. I started feeling like a normal person again. 2 of the runners are physicians and they were sympathetic, but also teased me a bit. In a weird way, that made everything seem less scary.

    More tomorrow, no doubt!

    #114804
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I’m graduating in 3 days!!! 😮

    Update on the freezer idea. Hubby still not interested, so I told him about a personal cook who lives in our area. :rotfl: I thought this might make the freezer idea seem less costly. Instead, he sounded genuinely interested! :confused: A nice idea, but seriously, that’s a lot of money! This lady’s deal is that she comes to your house once every other week and cooks 6 meals. One is to be eaten that night, one in fridge for the next day or two and 4 in the freezer. She does all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. And for only $300! :laughing: Sorry, it does sound like a wonderful idea, but I can’t figure out how to make $600/month for a dozen meals come out to an economical plan. As for my husband, I think the freezer idea sounds like more work for him (having to cook meals ahead of time to store, etc) and the personal cook is less work.

    Last night was my class graduation party. It was very nice. It was for our immediate families as well, so I brought my 13 year old daughter. She was very cute, trying her best to look calm and holding my hand with a vice grip almost the entire night. For some reason she was very nervous about wearing heels. (she’s worn them before) They weren’t very high, but I think it was the combination of strappy sandals and dress which made her very self-concious. She’s not a dress-wearing kinda girl. Reminds me of myself at her age. 🙂

    I have nothing medical to write about. :p I almost wish I did. But I know, as everyone keeps reminding me on a daily basis, that there will be plenty of that in 5 short weeks.

    I’m hosting a party tonight with one of my good friends from med school. It’s mostly extended families in town for graduation and a few neighbors and friends. Hubby and the boys are in San Antonio for a state soccer tournament. It’s getting kind of ridiculous how often he’s gone when I need him these days. *sigh, play a tiny violin for me* But like I said, most of the guests are family and as long as there’s good food and conversation, they’ll be having fun!

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