my shattered dream

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  • #86584
    soon2bdocsoon2bdoc
    Participant

    Hello, I hate to burden you all with my problems, but I don’t know if there is any hope. I am a23 year old woman that left school when I was 19 to marry my husband. I am just getting back to school and my ultimate goal is to become a physician. My husband is not at all supportive of this idea, because he believes it will prolong or even prohibit us from starting a family. He also feel that our financial situation won’t allow me to be out of work for years to attend medical school. He wants me to get an associate in Nursing, and be done with it. Even my mother says that this goal is unattainable and I should go into nursing. Why should being married stop my carrer? I just want someone to inform me if I am being unrealistic in wanting to pursue my goal.

    #86586
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Welcome! You are certainly in the right place!

    😡 I just hate it when (often well-intentioned) people tell us to go into nursing instead. It’s not that I have a problem with nursing, it’s the knee-jerk reflex that women so often get when they aim for a demanding career that irritates me. How many mothers would counsel their sons to go into nursing when they say they want to be a doctor?
    Okay, now that I’ve got that gripe off my chest!! :rolleyes:

    I truly believe that you can have a demanding and rewarding career and be a good wife and mother as well. Granted, it may be more difficult and require an ability to perform amazing balancing acts, but it can be done and done well!

    There are women like me who have children first and come to the field later, those who have their children in the process of med school/residency (I know several) and those who wait until after their education is complete. There is no “right way” to do it. There’s only the way that works for you and your family.

    As for money, is it a certain lifestyle your husband is unwilling to give up? Or is it that he is uncertain of what med school and residency means financially? My understanding is that you can borrow up to something like $30,000/year for tuition, costs, living expenses. I’m hoping someone with more knowledge will jump in here! 😉

    Talk to premed advisors at your college. Talk to admissions people at med schools. Read the forums here. There’s lots of info and much of it will reassure you that your dreams are possible!
    Theresa

    #86588
    soon2bdocsoon2bdoc
    Participant

    Thanks so much Theresa for the support. It’s not a lifestyle we are unwilling to give up it’s just that we need to incomes to make ends meet. But I will look into what you advised. It is so good to hear someone say it’s possible. By the way love the “gripe”

    Thanks,
    Uraina

    #86590
    glennvallyglennvally
    Participant

    Soon2BDoc,

    I (and my husband) understand your husband’s concern. It is really tough to give up the second income, but it CAN be done. I quit a full-time job two years ago to return to school, we sold our house with acreage and moved into military housing, sold the expensive vehicles, horses, horse trailer, camper, boat…All the stuff you accumulate when money is abundant. (Don’t get me wrong, we were just middle class, but we had a HECKUVA lot more than we do now!)…Anyway, just an illustration that if you are willing to make drastic changes, you can do it. It wasn’t nearly so hard to give up all the “stuff” as it was to give up lazy evenings playing with my horses, but over all I am much, MUCH, happier and more fulfilled pursuing my dreams.

    I started on my undergrad at 32 years old, when my youngest entered Kindergarten. I really feel that even though I won’t be practicing until I am 40 or so, it is working well for me to have had my kids first. Many docs burn out after 20 years or so, so I figure this way I will be burning out right about retirement age–that’s my theory anyway! 🙂

    Best of luck to you, whatever you decide~

    Val

    #86592
    sarah_robertssarah_roberts
    Participant

    Glennvally;

    You have truely inspired me 😀 . I am 31 and have very little support in terms of my family believing I can do this. I also have 2 kids and they will be teenagers by the time I am finished. I am yet to pass the Gamsat exams, but my undergrad degree is very strong and I should be able to get in. The main problem I have is lack of confidence because of my age.

    #86594
    glennvallyglennvally
    Participant

    Thanks Sarah,

    Well, of course I don’t know if I’ll get in, but one of the great things about pursuing this at my age is that if I am not accepted to medical school it won’t be the end of the world. There are so many options, and I truly believe that I will end up doing exactly what I am “meant” to do. Does that make sense? I started down this path and I won’t deviate until the MCAT is over with, the applications go out, and the secondaries are completed. I might do the cycle two years if I don’t get in the first time around, but that’s my limit. If I am not accepted, I start applying for PA schools, or OT, or whatever…And honestly, while I will do everything I can to get into medical school, if lack of acceptance letters makes me decide to give it up, I will probably just heave a big sigh and start preparing for the GRE, knowing that it wasn’t meant to be, but I’d never have to live to regret the lack of trying.

    Sheesh, run-on sentences galore! I think I need an English class 🙂

    Best of luck to you~

    Val

    #86596
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    I love your attitude, Val, 😀 and I feel the same way! I may not get in, but it won’t be for lack of trying! And, if it doesn’t work out, there’s going to be other opportunities. That being said, I sure hope I get accepted next year!!! :rolleyes:
    Theresa

    #86598
    sarah_robertssarah_roberts
    Participant

    Hi guys;

    I guess for me not getting in would be devastating. I wish I could think like you and move on to the next thing. I have spent my entire life doing something else because I never thought I was strong enough or good enoough to do Medicine and I have found out that the thought of being a doctor has never passed me. If I don’t get in, I will always regret this and yet somehow I still don’t feel confident enough to pursue this dream.

    #86600
    TexasRoseTexasRose
    Participant

    Sarah, if you want it then you’ve got to commit to it and go for it! You’ll never know what can be if you let fear be in charge.

    Have you checked out oldpremeds.net? If the stories on this forum aren’t enough to convince you that the traditional way isn’t the only way, then that site will!

    31 is not old by any means. In your 30’s you probably know more about life and what you want from it ( and what you want to give to it) than you ever did in your early 20’s.

    Please don’t use your age as a reason to hold back on anything.

    and yes, I will be devastated if I don’t get in to medical school, but I’m not going to go into thinking about the fear. I’ve already spent too much time letting that hinder my progress.

    Best of luck and go get ’em!
    Theresa

    #86601
    EemaMDEemaMD
    Participant

    Absolutely do NOT let age stand in the way of your dreams. I have two children, (ages 8-1/2 and 4) and completed my degree and my premed studies when I turned 30. I am now 36 and will be graduating medical school this year. That means I will be just shy of my 41st birthday when I start practicing.

    I firmly believe that (God willing) I’ll be 40 someday anyhow… I might as well be 40 and doing what I love.

    Keep your eyes on the “prize”… any don’t let anyone (spouse, family, ANYONE) stand in the way of your goals… (this includes you too!!!)

    Linda

    #86603
    macca26macca26
    Participant

    Hey dont worry you are not the only one in that predicament – I dont actually think apart from one Uncle of mine has said cool go for it we support you in your goal – they have done exactly what your’s did – my partner doesnt believe i can do it, my dad was so against it(i said i either do it with your support or with out it, but I am going to do it anyway. They are all like that its too hard and why arent i satisfied doing what I am doing? But thats cool I believe in myself and that is all you need in the end – and I just scored myself a job as a caregiver in a rest home.

    Dont listen to them!

    #86605
    sarah_robertssarah_roberts
    Participant

    Hi;

    Thank you so much. I wish I had found mommd beforehand. I am actually starting to feel for the first time that I am not the only one that wants to do this. I havent found anyone in my position in my personal life who wants to go to Medical School. Thanks also for oldpremeds. I have looked at it and it’s great. I need some more time to build up my confidence, which has been eroded over many many years but I am finally headed in the right direction. I first wanted to be a doctor at 5 years of age and this thought never left me. It was even stronger after my father passed away. My lack of belief in myself developed after a teacher told me not to hope or wish to be a doctor as it was very difficult for people from disadvantaged schools to gain entry into Medical School and to maybe find another career goal. This idea was reinforced by many other people.

    Thanks once again

    #86607
    erinerin
    Participant

    Hi everyone!
    Absolutely don’t worry about the money! My husband is an architect and can’t work because my school is in the middle of nowhere! Right now he is still looking for a job in at least some kind of related field, but in a town of 17,000 there just isn’t much demand for any of his design/computer skills. We are both living off of loan money and we just found out I’m pregnant. Needless to say, him finding a job just got more important. Anyone can find a way to go to medical school if you are willing to sacrifice a little and work a lot. I will be taking out over 100,000 in loans, but I know that I’ll be able to pay that back once I start working. Even if I don’t specialize, I’ll still make enough to repay my loans. If you are worried about being older students, you may want to check out some osteopathic schools. I am a future DO, and I know that these schools practically seek out older students because they really value their life experience! Nearly everyone in my class seems to have kids! I think the average age for a first year DO student is 27 at some schools? I certainly would tell you not to go DO if you don’t agree with the principals, but it’s something you may want to look in to. Good luck to all of you and I know you all will make great doctors someday (not to mention awesome moms!)
    -erin

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