new mom starting surgical training…..

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    hi there,

    i have just started basic surgical training and after finally getting onto the program that i’ve been working towards for a very very long time i’m finding myself feeling totally ambivalent about it. I have a 5 mth old baby and knew it wouldn’t be easy but also didn’t realise it would be so hard.
    I am just finding myself in the quandary of why push so hard when i could just chill and be a stay at home mom and enjoy time with my family for now.

    I should say that i do envision wanting another child in the future and also should say that although i do have a very supportive husband i know that he wants his old ”buddy’ back as we used to do so much together and now with me just finishing a week of nights we haven’t even seen each other. I feel this is the way our lives are to become if i continue.

    is anyone else in this situation, been there or can shed some light for me?

    I know it is something I may regret in the future but i really feel like throwing the towel in right now. Before anybody asks I will tell you that No, i’m not depressed but actually feel like i’m being realistic (prior to starting the focus had always been to get in – i was taking it one step at a time and also that was pre-baby) by assessing the situation.

    This is the beginning of a 2 year basic training program and then I will need at least another 5 years once i get onto advanced training… goal is/was orthopaedics. So all up allowing for a year inbetween which most do as an unregistered post i am looking at least 8 years.
    that makes me feel very very tired!

    hopefully someone can shed some light – i’m thinking that although i’d love to help change the world that i need to be a bit more selfish right now and just enjoy a functional family and put our family goals ahead of my personal ones.

    it is costing me more to go to work this year than what i shall make due to nanny costs and training fees…..and will for the next 3 years or so until my income increases a little.

    My partner has a good job – he runs a company out of home that we both started years ago when I wanted to start medical school (used to work in the US as a PT then wanted a bigger challenge….now the challenge with family is just a little too big for me right now!)

    i’m still feeding as well which I want to do but is probably contributing to tiredness and obviously the need for more feeds/day.

    this superwoman business is hard work – I think I’d rather take a holiday right now.

    phew – good to get it all out isn’t it?!!!
    feel free to email me – i’m thinking of trying to get the $6000 fees i faxed credit details for on friday refunded today……(it wasn’t due till feb 13th)

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