July 8, 2002 at 7:03 pm #83647kgw55Participant
I’m a first year pediatric resident and am having a miserable time of things. The chief resident is an absolute $%%hole. I have to say I actually HATE him. He’s an arrogant, conceited pig. Last week he crossed the line when he mentioned I might consider joining a gym as I am rather sturdy looking like a shot-put player (he asked me if I did this in college), or something similar. I’m 5 foot 2 and, yes at 150, pounds could probably lose a few, that hurt me but it was said in a joke in front of others so I had to laugh. He also happens to be quite attractive (not as much as he thinks) and his favorite activity is to arrive fresh from mountain biking wearing his bike shorts, hair gelled back and “hello everyone, I have ARRIVED, ladies watch out” – he doesn’t actually say this. He’s a smooth talker, the nurses love him and he IS a good doctor. I’m married and he doesn’t play his flirtatious games with me. At the very least his learning technique seems to be humiliation and ridicule, I’m never good enough, know enough or fast enough to live up to his high expectations. I’ve been close to tears in front of him MANY times, I go to the bathroom and cry sometimes. I’ve survived medical school and got this far how can one person be upsetting me so much. If I didn’t love what I do I would have quit by now.
What are my options? I wonder how he would react if I did cry in front of him. In less than 24 hours I have the pleasure of his company again.
Upset and frustrated…
I just read through this and it actually made me laugh 😉 so perhaps I can see the humor in it but really I feel 😡 – I like these characters!July 9, 2002 at 3:08 am #83648TexasRoseParticipant
i don’t have any answers for you, but lots of sympathy!!!! Try to hang in there and don’t let him see you cry, he’s probably trying to find out if he CAN make you cry.
Some people are great at their jobs but are terrible managers and teachers. How long do you have to put up with this jerk? Will he be less of an issue in a few months as you get more independent? Do you have any options to tolerating his behavior? a mentor, sympathetic resident futher along, another woman doc?
Good luck, i hope you find a way to get this jerk off your back!July 9, 2002 at 4:36 am #83649womansurgeonParticipant
Start writing down every inappropriate comment that he makes /c dates, times, witnesses. Just a private log; keep it to yourself. You may find it very useful sometime in the future. Hard copy is much harder to write off as hysteria or vindictiveness when you’re sitting across from your program director trying to explain why your chief resident gave you an unfair evaluation.
Hang in there kid, you DON’T deserve to be treated that way.July 9, 2002 at 8:26 am #83650mum2aaeParticipant
I am in the last few months of a 5+ year residency (the + means time out for 2 maternity leaves). My husband finished his surgical residency last year. I remember him giving me some advice as I started my first residency rotation. “never take anything personally – good or bad”. It sounds really motherhood, but it did work for me when i had the rare experience like you are describing. When someone puts other people down publically and it’s irrelevent to their job performance, it is saying everything about them and nothing about you.
This guy needs his daily ego boost, and in some way probably feels threatened by you – probably because you don’t fall for his gelled (sp?) hair. Before you know it you will be on a different rotation, and he will be a distant memory. For sure, don’t quit because of an idiot like him. 🙂 You will meet some extrordinary people during your career (I hope) who will overshadow this guy. The advice to write things down is probably a good idea.
Hang in there.
CheersJuly 10, 2002 at 5:54 am #83652docnrollParticipant
Aw pigs… One OBGYN resident used to freak everytime I said Ok… he said if the patients were ok they wouldn’t be here. Of course all he ever said was …we are going to put the needle here, all right. He used to say be more aggressive, the other resident said, don’t be so aggressive that’s not lady like.
On another rotation the surgery resident wouldn’t start to round unless I had finished eating my crackers. If I put them in my pocket they would “harass” me to I took them out and ate them. Then my lipstick or lack of it would be the topic of the next discussion.
Last we had a quad with a penile graft that they made me put the first stitch in and asked things like how is it coming… poor choice of words then forbid me to round on him because I may cause him to burst his stitches. They called us broadettes, smurfettes and wenchettes.
Problem is when you are so tired and trying to do a good job your defenses are down. Try to fight back with humor. What can he really do to you other than publicly humiliate you. They need your hard, scut work. Hang in there. Remember what John F. Kennedy said….”Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”… especially the piglets. I wish I had kept a journal because it makes a great story later.July 13, 2002 at 2:44 am #83653MomMDParticipant
Write it all down and hang in there!July 15, 2002 at 10:37 pm #83654GracieThreeParticipant
Man does this bring back memories. Third year med school, sugery rotation, the attending got his jollies out of putting everyone down. One day on rounds he actually said to me “Why don’t you see if you can figure out how to look up the word (funny, I have forgotten what he told me to look up!) and give me a 15 minute talk on what it means.” It was a simple word, too. I was the only female on the team and I got the feeling he didn’t think “girls” were smart enough to play doctor. Later I heard that he would randomly pick one or two students out of each rotation group and pick on those two especially, so I let it go as his problem and not mine. It was only eight weeks anyhow.
You mentioned this pig is chief – which means his chief year is going to come to an end sooner or later. You can survive this, as sorry as I am that you have to even experience it. I agree with the others who said not to let him see you cry – then he’ll ridicule you about that too.
Good idea to write it down in case you need to discuss with program director, too.
Hang in there 🙂 we’re all supporting you!July 21, 2002 at 10:31 am #83656NuYawkDocParticipant
You know ever since I got pregnant during my residency, I had to deal with fat/what-happened-to-you jokes from BOTH sexes, (to be fair I did gain 60lbs…) But having a child put me on such a ego-high that I am much more secure around these comments. Here’s what you do…
1. Realize these are people you are never going to date or impact your emotional well being. (And make sure you don’t eat and poop in the same house if you know what I mean)
2. You will never change the biological structure of TESTOSTERONE or those that harbor it in great quantities.
3. Therefore roll with the punches, and dish it out like the rest of them. (Bonus, if this makes them extremely uncomfortable)
For example… My last ER shift was with a male Sr. resident and Attending who were making stupid comments all night. Not being so uncomfortable as to write them up, but enough to be annoyed (especially while on the phone for a personal call) I threatened to strap on a plastic one and give it to them as they liked it. As a former catholic school girl I shocked myself, but the look on their faces was worth the instant shame at stooping to their level. And they DID back off after patting me on the back. Moral of the story…
Testosterone is a funny thing. If this man is truely an analcavity as you say write him and his kind off and don’t think of him as human 😡 , otherwise he may appreciate the banter and realize what it’s like being on the receiving end for a change 😮 .July 22, 2002 at 4:22 am #83657angelParticipant
Wow, what a situation!
People take advantage of thier authority in the workplace…especially conceited men. The way I have dealt with it in the past is to simply be more mature than they are. I agree that there is something that he probably dislikes about the way you *don’t* pay him the attention he thinks everyone owes him.
I had a guy that I worked with that was a complete jerk, constantly harassing women with sexual and degrading comments. In this situation, I stuffed my rage 😡 and did my best to treat this guy with as much tough love as I could. He noticed that I wouldn’t take his crap and laugh it off, and I wasn’t going to retaliate with vengence. I never laughed at his degrading jokes about other employees with the rest of the staff, instead I looked at him in the eye, silent. I thought about the situation alot and realized how insecure he really was. Then I also realized that he didn’t have any “true” friends. Long story short, he and I ended up working together alone on a project. He began to open up to me (a little) and I got bold and told him what I thought…I told him I thought he had the capacity to be a wonderful gentleman (spoonful of sugar)and that he had great leadership qualities, but that he was using foul jokes and stepping on others in a way that made his good qualities stink. (makes the medicine go down) I said it without malice (not easy AT ALL) and pulled it off with true compassion for his immaturity. He was taken off guard, a little defensive, and very uncomfortable!!! Because I was not aggresive in my comments, actually as pleasant as I could be, with concern, he didn’t know what to say.
Anyway, I am not saying that this is appropriate for you in this situation, but I just wanted to share that story. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Hang in there and don’t laugh at his jokes, there is nothing wrong with just being silent.
-AJuly 23, 2002 at 8:18 am #83658kgw55Participant
THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR REPLYING. Reading your posts made me feel so much better. Glad to hear that I am not alone (which is actually not a good thing). You are right I have only 4 more months left with ‘my friend’ and I am counting the days. I think I can hang in there until the end, who knows I may confront him if he says one more comment. I’ve managed to keep my contact with him purely on professional matters, if I feel the conversation is straying I try and turn it back or leave. I have also started to write it down just in case. It’s amazing how just getting these things off your mind can help. I want to thank each one of you and thank you forums. Thank you MomMD, so glad that I found this site.July 30, 2002 at 6:32 am #83659MelissaGrayParticipant
Sound like you are doing all of the right things! I admire your ability to roll-with-the-punches. Hang in there!!
MelissaJuly 30, 2002 at 9:41 am #83661BBdocParticipant
Dear Frustrated: There is one (or several) of these imbeciles in every residency program, they are the reason there are kick boxing classes! Girl, practice your best “poker” face and don’t let him hurt your feelings!!for these creatures with a very very small Y chromosome, indifference is lethal, for they are only somebody if they have attention!!focus on your patients, and what each and every one of those children is teaching you, for at the end they will be your greatest professors, and he, will not even be a memory worth your energy. 😉August 4, 2002 at 1:58 am #83662anbdoParticipant
In my program, I was one of the chief resident for the 2001-2002 year, eventhough you have the title of chief resident you are still a RESIDENT! His job is to teach you not to belittle you. The comments about your appearance is totally inappropriate. I would go to your program director with your concerns. Hopefully your program director will have a little chat with Dr. High and Mighty.
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