October 13, 2002 at 1:16 am #66810
So, my hubby and I have started (again) to practice baby-making, and I’m right this second thinking, “Am I pregnant? Or did I just eat something I shouldn’t have? Or (more likely) am I just psyching myself out?” But I digress…
What I really want to know from all of you seasoned moms out there is, is it normal to feel kind of ambivalent about motherhood once motherhood is in the offing? I am not ambivalent about having a baby – I’m worried about my own abilities. I mean, not once have I ever looked in he mirror and thought, “Gee, I look like someone’s mommy.”
I feel like that chick who just had a baby in “Sex in the City.” I know NOTHING about babies, or about being a mother. For example: Went to Target to buy a bedding set for my sister’s new son. Stood there for 30 minutes with my mouth agape, wondering “IS the padding for around the crib essential? And if so, which one? And what about the matching quilt? Will he choke on that?” Bought everything. Sister later informs me that quilts are meant for hanging above the crib, and padding for around the crib is what babies suffocate on. Jesus.
So is this normal? And if it isn’t, am I curable?
NanonOctober 13, 2002 at 8:19 am #66812
I do truly believe that you are normal and…COMPLETELY curable 🙂 . I think most women who contemplate on their first child question their abilities as mothers. Some just happen to be more prepared than others. Lord knows, when I was pregant with my daughter I was scared out of my mind. Not only was I terrified of the notion of physically taking care of my child, but I felt I was lacking on the emotional side as well. I never liked children to begin with, and now I felt as if I was going to be stuck with one of my own. When my daughter finally did come around, the hospital at which I gave birth had a nurse visit my house once a week to teach me the essentials of motherhood. I didn’t know how to do anything…from clipping her tiny fingernails to bathing her properly, to distinguishing between cries of hunger or cries of pain. My daughter was the first baby I ever held in my life.
You’ll see that before you know it, your love for your child grows stronger and stronger with each passing second. In a way, this love comes out of the hard work and sacrifice you put in to your kid. After all, you can always say you love your kid, but love is defined by action and that is exactly what us mothers learn to do. As first time mothers, you learn that as days go on your child molds into you and you in turn mold into your child. Things just happen to come naturally and beautifully 🙂 .
Don’t be too afraid. As long as you are ready to be a loving and caring mother, it’ll work out just fine. I’m almost sure of it. Just hang in there and keep trying for the baby!….remember, practice makes perfect 😉 .
AnnieOctober 13, 2002 at 10:11 am #66813KelddyParticipant
YEAH NANON!!! I am so excited for you! Good luck and God bless, Kelddy 😀October 13, 2002 at 9:31 pm #66815
Cali and kelddy, thanks so much for your words of support. Now, for an entirely different question: What signs and symptoms of pregnancy can you actually have the first few weeks of pregnancy (before you can take a pregnancy test). I’m feeling a little paranoid about it. I nearly fainted this morning when I got out of bed, I’m nauseaus (sp?), I have little crampy feelings around where my ovaries should be. Are these just signs of being neurotic?
You guys are awesome…
NanonOctober 14, 2002 at 12:24 am #66816LaramisaParticipant
I had really violent ‘morning’ sickness all day long for a few days within the first month and a positive at home pregnancy test at 5 weeks – so I guess a little nausea is possible within a few weeks 😎 But I don’t know if this is a normal experience.
LMOctober 14, 2002 at 7:26 am #66818psychParticipant
The test should be positive by 2 weeks, right? Can you test and post the results?! It’s totally normal to be ambivalent about baby and motherhood and career. It’s just not so common in our culture to admit it. You can read “Surrendering to Motherhood” by Iris Krasnow if you ever have time again! (Sorry, msg interrupted by screaming 14-month-old at 11:20 pm. Ugh.)October 14, 2002 at 10:40 am #66820
Before I found out I was pregnant I suffered from a variety of symptoms that were linked to the pregnancy. These are all symptoms I experienced during the first couple of weeks.
I was always very sleepy. I was able to fall asleep anywhere…work (I’d get a couple of minutes in inside the bathroom stall :p ), my friends crazy house/birthday party (fell asleep on the couch amidst the chaos). I felt very irritable as if I was having PMS X 10. I chewed my husband out (then boyfriend) on several occasions for no apparent reason :rolleyes: . For me morning sickness came during the 2nd-3rd months of pregnancy. However, I smoked at the time (b4 I found out I was pregnant) and the cigarettes made me feel sick.
Now for cramping, I didn’t have any cramping in the region of the ovaries, but I did have a wierd tingling sensation (sometimes it got strong enough to be quite uncomfortable) about 8 fingers below the belly button. I believe this is where the actual uterus is located. It felt really strange actually, as if you can almost visualize the sensation in a straight line running vertically in that region. The feeling was very localized so I believe it may be a good indicator of pregnancy. I’m probably confusing the hec out of you, it’s just hard to put into words. I did though, at times have cramps that felt exactly like the ones you get during your actual menstruation period.
You might just be overly nervous about the whole thing and your mind could be playing tricks on you. I sure hope you can give us an update on how things are going though. Will you have graduated from Cal by the time baby comes around IF you are pregnant?
Take care and hope to hear from you.
ps-sorry for the blabbering. The idea of someone getting pregnant is really exciting.
Good luckOctober 15, 2002 at 1:41 am #66821
You go girl!
Here were my symptoms even before the preggo test came back positive: (times three daughters)
2) Breasts became swollen and sore to the touch (too bad for my darling hubby hee hee)
3) pelvic pain (pain above the pubic symphysis and below the naval)
4) moodiness 😮 …thought everyone was being so mean to me! Once I cried because my husband and sister and law giggled at my spilling food on my shirt at a restaurant. Usually I would have been laughing too!
5) craving for healthy foods…starting guzzling milk, etc.
6) mild nausea which came to a crescendo around month #2
7) feeling of “heaviness” in the appropriate area
9) difficulty sleeping
10) itchiness on the palms of my hands and plantar surface of my feet (why? :confused: who knows..any OB’s out there?)
You may have all, some, or none of the above symptoms. I know it’s maddening to wait for a preggo test when one is sure one is preggo (or at least hopes to be)
Good luck, we are all behind you 100%!
P.S. Hubby and I are trying too. I have all the above symptoms, but that doesn’t mean I’m pregnant. It could just be psychosomatic—gawd, can’t wait until I miss I period to find out if baby #4 is coming! :rolleyes:October 15, 2002 at 1:46 am #66823su4n2Participant
i am also considering now and am facing the same issues as u are. am 24, but my mom went through menapause at 38. when i didn’t do well on the AUG MCAT, and knew that i would have to waste a whole year while i retake, i saw this as an oportunity to start a family and do som that i would never have a chance otherwise- stay at home w/my kid for a year (while finishing my mph at nite). i am v.scared. i have no experience w/kids- have never changed a diaper and i am scared that i am young and will miss out on some experiences. but i have traveled, and once i started thinking about it, i couldn’t stop. btw, i saw today on the view tips for getting pregnant. you ovulate 14 days before the first day of your period. you should begin having sex (for this purpose at least)4-5 days in advance. she also recommended ovulation kits if things don’t go smoothly. my other prob is that while my mom and hubby are v.supportive, my best friend wh is a 4th year med student totally blew me off when i tried to talk to her. whatever. just know that you are not alone and that you will possibly have a pregnancy pen pal around. susanOctober 15, 2002 at 2:21 am #66825
You guys are fantastic! I feel like I have my own little cheerleading team.
First: I stocked up on pregnancy tests today, and took one as soon as I got home from classes, knowing full well that the earliest I’ll be getting any kind of accurate result is on Wednesday. (Still no second pink line). My sister says this kind of delusional behavior is normal, when you’re trying to get preggers. I prefer to believe her.
Second: Boobs are enormous. No, really. They hurt, but not horribly, except when my cats perch their little paws on my nipps. That hurts a lot. And my nipps! There’s something weird going on there, but that might just be TMI. Also, haven’t puked yet, but the nausea lingers. Cramps gave way today to a “tiny bubbles” feeling in pelvic area. I feel kinda stoned all the time. Am I exhausted? I don’t know… I’m always exhausted lately. Conclusion – if I’m not pregnant, I’m going in for an MRI, to rule out a pituitary tumor.
Third: Thank you all so much for your support, again. I talked to my husband, who’s also ambivalent about parenthood. He said – “Denial, my love. Join me in denial land. We’ll deal with it when we have to. Let’s get your mom situated first.” It may not be healthy, but I agree with him. If I’m preggers, there’s not much to be done about it right now, and we’ve got 9 months to prepare – more time than I’ll probably spend getting ready for the MCAT. Two semesters worth of time for parenting classes and lamaze classes and for figuring out what bedding to buy.
Happily, I’m right now pretty sanguine about what this will mean for my education and med school. It’s taken me so long to graduate from college, I figure “What’s two more years?” Things happen when they happen (something I’ve learned from taking care of my mom through her cancer ordeal). I have faith that, what ever ends up happening, it’s meant to happen, and I’ll learn what I need to learn from it.
OK, done waxing poetic. Really, I feel so blessed to have found this place, to have such wonderful mentors. I’ll let you know if Mildred shows on Friday! PS: Good luck elise and everyone else out there trying to get pregnant, or already pregnant – maybe, if we’re lucky, we can compare notes through all of this!
NanonOctober 15, 2002 at 5:42 am #66826
omg, I nearly fell off my chair when I read “preggers” in your message. Lol, that is adorable.
When I was pregnant with my first daughter I felt so inadequate :rolleyes: . I was newlywed (got “preggers” 3 mo. after our wedding..thank you rhythm method!) and was only 18 😮 . But you know, as time goes by and the baby grows, you get so excited. You just read every book you can get your hands on baby care, pregnancy, etc. The moment of truth comes when that baby is placed in your arms for the first time 😀 . There is no love in the world like that love. The first time I changed her diaper, then I swaddled her in the blanket. The nurse said “wow, you must have experience with babies”. No experience, you just know what to do for your baby, you know what is right.
Good luck. And enjoy. There is nothing in the world like the first baby.
“preggers to be” lolOctober 15, 2002 at 10:35 am #66828
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that symptom…the sore boobs. lol. How can I forget, and it only gets worse as the months go on…and engorgement. hehe
I agree with you…the first baby thing. Granted, all babies are loved equally but the first will always have a special place in your heart. I only have 1 child as of now, but I know that she will always be special to me. It’s not only the fact that she’s my first, it’s the circumstances in which I brought her into the world.
Good luck with baby-making guys! 🙂
AnnieOctober 15, 2002 at 2:54 pm #66830MDMOMof2Participant
As I sit on call at 5:30 in the morning in the neonatal ICU completing my shift and feeling my baby give me a good kick in the ribs (5 months preggers with my second son!), I’m getting a good giggle reading about all of the symptoms I’ve been through – still with lots of heartburn! One valuable pice of advice for heartburn suffers on call-keep a stash of Tums, Rolaids, etc. in your call bag and lab coat at all times. I eat those things like candy on call.
A few of my other symptoms included extreme fatigue – I actually fell asleep in PICU rounds once – sore breasts, and a craving for lots of crunchy fruit (don’t know where that one came from).
Anyway, please let us know the results and let me know if you need any more tips from a mommy who has been on call during both pregnancies and still making it through residency!
JBOctober 15, 2002 at 11:54 pm #66831
For those who are suffering from breast tenderness. I was listening to the radio the other day and heard someone say “I got a visit from the Boobie Fairy” :p . Thought all of you who have been (and have yet to be) visited by the boobie fairy. Enjoy!
Elise 😀October 16, 2002 at 3:51 am #66833psychParticipant
I love the ideas for tips on pregnancy during residency. I’m with you on the Tums/Rolaids. Also remember to keep drinking water. It’s easy to get dehydrated when you are so busy and that can increase the cramping etc. I did MICU rounds in an office chair with wheels (except when in the rooms) which helped because they were so long. Other tips???
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