Should boy’s hit back?

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  • #64306
    SAmomSAmom
    Participant

    Talk about grade school challenges!!!!!
    My son is 6 and in grade 0 or kindergarten. Last week when is dad picked him up from school he told him that a boy poked him in is eye, he did not fight back. His dad went on to explain that fighting is bad etc BUT if somebody hurts you and you need to protect your self you must hit him back(i was not told about this until yesterday night)at bed time my son told me that at school today this same boy punched him on the nose and he punched him back. When DH went to pick him up the teacher told him about it immediatly and said that this boy seems to be a bully and chooses to pick on my son, she will sort the problem out we are not to worry. My son says that this boy is bigger/tallest in the class.

    So my ques. is, do you or will you tell your sons to hit back?

    I argued with DH that he is encouraging him to fight but he explained that he wants our son to grow up knowing that he can protect himself, and if he doesn’t stand up to this boy then thid kid will continue to pick on him. And of course he doesn’t want his boy to be a sissy. What do you guys think?

    #64307
    MTaylorMTaylor
    Participant

    You know, here in Los Angeles, you do not (IMO) teach children to hit back. If a child decides to “hit back” the “wrong” bully…and that bully is embarrassed, they may just come back the next day with a gun…or their gang. Here, this is real. It’s a very sensitive topic to many families here…especially from a father/son perspective. You don’t want your kid to be a wuss…but you don’t want them to be shot either. And, sometimes, they are mutually exclusive.

    #64309
    sisriversisriver
    Participant

    My neighbor’s son, in middle school, hit back and was suspended as a result. Maybe it’s good to get input from the teacher (maybe it’s not such a bad thing to let others think we are a ‘wuss’).

    #64310
    sisriversisriver
    Participant

    My son, 7yo, brought this very thing up last night, bullies, and said he “you’re supposed to walk away.”

    #64312
    attilaattila
    Participant

    Well, I tell my girls they are never to throw the first punch, however, I also have taught them how to block a punch such that it hurts the attacker just as much as if they had punched back. (A good karate block placed with maximal force can break bones.) IMO, everyone needs to know how to defend themselves, but you need to use the minimal force necessary to that end. (Karate is good at teaching this concept, incidentally.) Telling the teacher is usually quite useless, as the victim will be regarded as a whinerby her peers, and dollars to donuts, the bully has some sort of behavioral disability label that protects him from discipline.

    #64313
    SAmomSAmom
    Participant

    Funny that you should mention karate, my son has been asking for quite sometime if he can join up, unfortunatly the teacher in our area will only take them from 8 yrs old. I am also inclined to say walk away…..but then what happens if he continues to do this, I guess I’ll just have to keep asking him how its going, although I noticed if I ask him about it everyday he gets irritated.

    Thanks for your responses

    #64315
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    I just dont like the “I dont want my boy to be a sissy”….or a wuss. It is so typical of our society to influence/enforce what a boy should do and what a girl should do.

    This is a difficult situation. It is true that the majority of the time both kids, defending themselves or not, will be suspended. I was taught that it was not OK to hit, but that is crazy coming from the area I did. Fighting was surviving the game. If you didnt defend yourself, you would probably end more hurt than if you didnt. Sad but it is true. Sometimes, those bullies need to be taught a lesson, which may be to hit them back. Who wants to go to school being tortured everyday because they are not sticking up for themselves? Bullies prey on the kids they see as timid. At the same time, as Mya posted, you have to worry about kids coming back with weapons.

    I wish every problem could be addressed in a manner without physical violence and such but sometimes “appropriate” behavior doesnt fit in so well in this inappropriate world.

    #64316
    mommd2bmommd2b
    Participant

    I think this is a tough issue, but I’d be inclined to tell my child not to hit back for a number of reasons…including that the other child may hurt him even more. That may make some think that he is a wimp, but at the end of the day, I will take a black eye over a broken jaw and a suspension from school.

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