October 22, 2003 at 2:24 am #43723DrLucyParticipant
If one has made it into medical school, it can pretty much be assumed that one is competitive to some degree…..
…..but, having acknowledged that, there are some who take the act of simply outdoing another human being in some endeavor entirely too seriously and seem to derive entirely too much joy from this unseemly process! Adding a little estrogen to that is like adding a little gasoline to the housefire. 😡 (that sounded a little sexist, didn’t it?)
I have met such women in medical school. What’s strange is that this person seemed like such a lamb at first!!! I guess when it’s crunch time during extreme amounts of stress, all bets are off, all facades are removed, and we see the real thing. Just a little scary…. 😮
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with striving to be the best we can be, but is it entirely necessary to make fun of other people doing less well? Is it necessary to horde helpful notes/tests/tips/etc.? Is it necessary to be intentionally unhelpful to others in the dissection group? Our program is structured so that competition is absolutely minimized.
This person used to be my friend. It’s just disappointing….anyone else out there with this stuff? :rolleyes:October 22, 2003 at 2:50 am #43724PremedRNParticipant
She is intimidated by you and others.October 22, 2003 at 3:43 am #43725CaliMDParticipant
Medical school was more than 10 years ago for me but reading your post reminded me how it ended up that my friends/study partners in medical school were always somewhat older guys (over 27 years of age). I’m sorry that you encountered such a “betrayal” – in circumstances other than medical school, women can also be “difficult to read”. Often presenting as “lambs”, when in reality there isn’t a true intention of friendship. I observed that behavior on the part of women more often in the workplace than even in medical school. I have some dear female friends from over the years and it has seemed to me that it has been easier to befriend women when there exists no threat of competition (in any environment!). Just my opinion! Once again, I’m sorry that you’ve had such a harsh experience.October 22, 2003 at 7:37 am #43726DrNatalieParticipant
I can’t imagine how rough that is…medical school is stressfull enough when you have supportive classmates, which I am so blessed to have, I am so sorry that yours would be like that 🙁
And, from one first year to another, how much do you hate histology??? Just wondering… :banghead:October 22, 2003 at 6:28 pm #43727MelissaGrayParticipant
Originally posted by CaliMD:
reading your post reminded me how it ended up that my friends/study partners in medical school were always somewhat older guys (over 27 years of age).
same here. I have female med school friends, but I spend the bulk of my time with the guys. Much simplerOctober 23, 2003 at 3:05 am #43728DrLucyParticipant
Actually, we don’t have histology until spring semester here.
It is really just a shame, this mess with my ex-friend. I feel like I’m in junior high school with these feelings in my stomach.
I agree about being friends with men. I have always been much more comfortable with men in every type of relationship. They step out of bounds and you tell them not to – end of story, no more problem- back to five minutes before the problem.
With women, this process takes a minimum of six months, involves several crying jags, the alignment of peripheral friends in one corner or the other, many mutual dirty looks alternating with pretending to ignore one another, and many other such things.
It is just so petty and I really do feel physical pain in my stomach. I find that I am withdrawing from my class in order to avoid interacting with her. This includes not only extracurricular activities, but anatomy lab as well. This is really sounding pathetic as I write it, but I guess I am really at a loss as to how to handle this whole situation. I do not want to have some knock-down drag-out in class or in lab. But I also cannot let her run me out of medical school. I am really going to have to figure this out. :confused:October 24, 2003 at 10:08 pm #43729Andrea JanParticipant
Hi Dr Lucy-
You already know this, but…a person who belittles you is NOT a good friend! I feel that it IS possible for two females to be competitive with one another without ruining their friendship. But it takes mutual respect, and an open acknowledgement of the other person’s unique talents. It sounds like this female is trying to squelch you …rather than acknowledge your unique talents and support you.
I am a fourth year medical student, and I have found it somewhat difficult to have female friends in medical school as well. It IS like junior high! :rolleyes: Gossip is rampant. You have to keep your personal life to yourself until you find a friend you truly can trust. I found one or two women in my class who weren’t so petty and competitive…it just takes patience and time. In the meantime, I strongly recommend spending as much time as possible – on the phone or in person – with family or friends (apart from the field of medicine) who know you well and love you for who you are. Pick up the phone and rekindle an old college or high school friendship. Call your mom or dad. It’s great to be able to get your mind off of med school, med school, med school. Consider doing some volunteer work in your area of interest – it will really enrich your life, and it’s great to mention when you are interviewing for residencies!
Just remember – there is so much more to life than med school and grades. And there is so much more to being a good doctor than memorizing gross anatomy. I pity those who place so much emphasis on being “stellar” medical students. Their identity as a medical student becomes all that is left of who they are, and they live a sheltered, monotonous, and boring life. :boxedin: This type of person is an extremely dull conversationalist.
Your “ex-friend” only has as much power over you as you let her have. Pity her. She can’t see beyond the textbooks and cadavers. If she continues to act this way toward others, she will lead a sad and lonely existence in the years to come.
Remember, we are here for you! This site is a great source of support for and from women!
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