Too busy to become a mom…MD

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  • #16482
    fdukefduke
    Participant

    I guess the purpose for writing this is to ask for some encouraging stories from other members of this site.
    I am 30 years old and my husband and I have been trying for months to get pregnant. The problem is, we are both so busy (I work full-time with full-time call and he is a resident), that it is just not happening.
    I’m going to scale-back at work in the next few months, but after taking the umpteen millionth pregnancy test tonight and seeing it was negative, I really need some advice from people who may have been in the same situation.
    I had promised myself at the start of this that I would not become obsessed/stressed-out, but “the best laid plans…”
    Please let me know of any advice.
    Thanks in advance.

    #16483
    rockfeverrockfever
    Participant

    HI! it took me 2 years to get pregnant and it happened the month after i took the mcat. so stress is probably a factor. schedule some time off if you can around the time that you ovulate.
    i know that it seems like ages but a few months (how many exactly?) isn’t really a long time. however you maye wnat to start taking your basal temperatures along with ovulation prediction tests to see if you are ovulating. this may also help to plan your encounters with your husband since you both seem hard to pin down in the same spot at the right time.
    i charted and made myself a deal that i would not test until a week longer than my longest luteal phase. i got tried of testing all of the time as i imagine you are.
    anyway it will happen! here is some ***baby dust*** and hoping that it happens for you soon. :grouphug:

    #16484
    NanonNanon
    Participant

    Hey, fduke. My hubby and I are going through the exact same thing right now, cept I’m a working pre-med and my husband works about 70 hours a week. It’s nuts – completely crazy making stuff. We’ve been trying for over a year now (on and off) and still no dice. I think bermiegal is right about the stress thing, though. My best friend just got pregnant after trying for (drum-roll please) ONE MONTH. Couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that she’s an artist who works from home, could it? 😉 I have to say, I think I’m more jealous of the fact that she has free-time than that she got pregnant so quickly.

    This concieving thing for people like us about planning (ie, basal temps and charting and ovulation kits), but it’s also about making it a priority (ie, making and keeping the goal of doing the deed every other day for the two weeks around ovulation, come hell or high water). Part two is the hard part, and least for us. Which is kind of depressing, if you think about it.

    Good luck to you, :crossfingers: and keep us updated. I could use the advice and cheering on, as well!

    Nanon

    #16485
    amykamyk
    Participant

    Hey now, I’m an artist who works from home. And it still took us nine months. Nine…loooong…months. We finally gave up on doing it the carefree artist way and got the ovulation-detector kits. Pain in the @ss. :boggled: The other day I was thinking about the last-ditch attempt that got us Liesl…bleah. Definitely not sexy or romantic. Sex as obligation, way not fun. Kind of exhausted episode that too many black-box tiny-cast plays center on. Worth it, though, definitely.

    Think of it this way…if you go on for a while longer, you can sign up for a lot of neat tests on your reproductive machinery. Score one for, er, science. After which you’ll almost certainly be told you both work fine.

    Just do whatever you have to, remembering that YOU ARE A FINE HUMAN BEING. Babies are neat. Someday you’ll probably have one. In the meantime, it’s not all you’re about. And please do whatever it takes to avoid blaming each other for not having sex on the right days. We went through some of that, and it’s not pretty. It’s just so hard to avoid thinking IF YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU’D GET IT UP/STAY AWAKE TODAY, IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT WE DON’T HAVE A BABY YET. I’m so glad we never signed up for that broadband telepathy service….You already know it– a month’s a really short time in the scheme of things.

    Btw, if you want to give a pregnant lady a really good laugh, tell her you’re jealous. Man, if you think the getting-pregnant part takes long… :rotfl: Even better: Went swimming in my 6th month or so, and Old Lady #1 in the pool makes a crack to Old Lady #2: “Look out, don’t catch what she’s got!” Me: “Yeah, and it takes a long time to clear up.” Old lady #1: “You have no idea how long.”

    I’m beginning to believe her.

    amy

    #16486
    NanonNanon
    Participant

    :rotfl: :laughing:

    Amy, that’s hysterical!

    I appologize for the artist comment. :footinmouth: Actually, my friend has spent the last six or so months being almost neurotic (at least compared to me) in her preparations for trying. And once she did try, she was text-book about it, right down to checking her mucus and cervical position. (And by the way, has anyone else out there other than me found this method perplexing, at the very least? My cervix seems to be pretty much the same no matter what time of the month it is. Just me?)

    Ya, can’t wait for the tests, which are next on the horizon as soon as we can scrounge up the cash. I am really NOT looking forward to the dye-job on my fallopian tubes. My sister went through the same thing and tells me it hurts. A lot. Ohhhh, and anyone else shudder at the thought of Clomid? As if I’m not already a hormonal mess… sigh.

    My husband and I have kept a pretty good sense of humor about all of this. I don’t blame him for being too tired-distracted-stressed-out for sex, because I’m in the same boat. I keep telling myself that it will happen when it’s meant to happen, if at all. And if it doesn’t, we have other options. But it is scary. If we don’t have time for every-other-day sex, do we really have time for a kid? We talk about this a lot lately…

    Thanks so much for your insight, amy,

    Nanon

    #16487
    shellbellshellbell
    Participant

    Hi

    My husband and I tried with our first for only 2 months and none, zippo BFN pg test. :tired: I was so depressed. Two months, what was wrong with me, or my hubby. 😮 So I asked him to take a sperm count. :goodvibes:

    Well with my 3rd, we tried for 8 months and I could not get pg. I went into see my doc and she suggested I RELAX, and temp and chart. I found this great site and book on the web. I had a chart on the computer and it told me when to have SEX. :cloud9:

    It was very interesting because the program told me when to have sex and let me tell you, I would call my husband wherever he was. My husband is a Deputy and I would 911 him to get home. I would call disbatch and ask them to get him home fast. :yikes: Sorry to much info.

    Anyway good luck and babydust to you!!

    Michelle

    #16488
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    Well in my first marriage( at 29), my husband and I were both working and were students as well. It took about 3 months to get pregnant and we hit the jackpot after charting for ovalation.

    However, I think what REALLY made the difference and excuse me for getting too personal here, is that after the “act” I just laid there until the next day with my legs elevated to make sure everything “stayed in”.

    Now that I’m planning to remarry next year and I’m almost 10 years older, I imagine I may have to stand on my head (which I’m perfectly will to do 😉 ) to get the job done. I’ll let you know how it goes in about a year or so. 😀

    #16489
    momfirstmomfirst
    Participant

    We’ve been trying for about 6 years to have #2 (#1 was a complete and utter miracle). I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and DH has low sperm count – so we have had to do IUIs with Clomid/Glucophage. I got pg in July after this protocol but miscarried in early September :guilty: so we are going to try again this December.

    Infertility can cause your whole relationship to obsessively center around the act of conception. Not intimacy, but conception, along with ovulation, fertilization, implantation, etc. I have a great support group online at http://www.hopeforfertility.com – Thank goodness.

    The IUI thing totally takes the spontaneity out of the act!! Especially since the doc is the one that is getting the boys where they need to be, KWIM?

    Rose

    #16490
    fdukefduke
    Participant

    Thank you, thank you, thank you all for sharing your stories, humor, and good advice.
    In answer to one of your questions, we have been trying for 9 months. I was starting to get a bit impatient with my husband (the most supportive, best man) for being tired when I thought the time was right. Thanks for the reminders to keep things in proper perspective.

    I honestly have been kind of hesitant to use an ovulation kit. Silly really, but I guess I thought it was supposed to be some unplanned, magical, angels singing kind of moment…WAY beyond that now. I’m going to pick one up on my next trip out.
    Also, good luck and thoughts to those of you also trying to conceive.
    Thanks again to everyone for responding.

    #16491
    FPmommyFPmommy
    Participant

    Ovulation kits are great. Can reduce the “required” sex to a brief period each month and let you live normally the rest of the time. (Though I must admit my husband really hated the whole “requirement” thing.) Plus, if you really use the kit right and know you have had sex at the right time for at least 3 months, then it is time to consider a trip to your doctor because most people (not all!!) conceive in a few months if they make sure that sperm and egg have a chance. GOOD LUCK!! (I always laugh at all of us yuppies who wait and wait and wait and then want to conceive instantly when we are ready…)

    #16492
    drmoo55drmoo55
    Participant

    shellbell

    that was funny about the computer site telling you when you had to have sex! 🙂

    what was the site?

    #16493
    drsoondrsoon
    Participant

    This may sound silly, but when I was a little girl, I remember my stress-muffin Aunt commenting to my Mom

    “For each of my kids, I have a receipt for a class at the YMCA- it never failed- everytime I took a yoga class, I got preggers!”

    Never hurts!

    Also- I’ve been doing a lot of reading up on Gyno-issues lately, and one Gynocologist who specializes in treating patients with pain upon intercourse reccommends that her patients who are trying to concieve put the semen in their diaphram, then insert it and keep it there a while to increase their chances of conception.

    Sounds a bit odd, but at the rate I’m putting off babies, I’ll be game for anything by the time we try!

    Good luck!

    Drsoon

    #16494
    FPmommyto2FPmommyto2
    Participant

    Been there, too. We tried to get pg with #1 when I was in my 2nd year of residency. It took a year. I, too, have PCOS and ended up doing a lot of infertility stuff, then actually got pg spontaneously after we signed up for IVF. Go figure.

    #2 took 6 months and I was on Glucophage.

    There are stats that it takes an average of 6 months in your early 30s to conceive, so you’re not too far out that window.

    I’d highly reccomment the OPK’s for 3 months, then if no dice, go see a reproductive endocrinologist – not just your GYN.

    And…my HSG didn’t hurt at all. And…Clomid did not make me nuts at all. The injections did stink, however :rolleyes:

    What made me nuts? Obsessing about conceiving. I don’t think there’s a way around that, however.

    Take a look at storknet.com. They have a great discussion board called “advanced fertility issues” that is a wealth of info and support. You’re not supposed to post until you’ve been trying for a year or are on meds, but it is great reading until then. They have a board called “the waiting game” that is for all others trying to conceive.

    Good luck!!!!!

    #16495
    rositabeanrositabean
    Participant

    Hi. I am pregnant right now (6wks5days) and had just a small 2 month window of opportunity to get PG since I am a resident and wanted to deliver during specific times of the year.

    I am a big time advocate of charting and owe my getting PG to the information I know about my body through charting. My husband and I charted to avoid PG for 12 months, and then when time to try came up in Aug and Sept, the only thing we had to change was that instead of avoiding intercourse, we had to go for it.

    When it comes down to it, it really is hard to get PG if you are doing the deed at the wrong time. Unless the sperm are already there waiting for the egg when you ovulate, it just won’t happen. Also, the sperm must have fertile quality cervical fluid to swim in in the first place or they won’t do too well and get where they need to go or live long enough to do their job.

    Our first month trying we were a little more casual and only managed to do it the day before and the day of Ovulation. That didn’t work obviously.

    The next month I vowed that at the first sign of fertile cervical fluid we would start and we would do it every day until O and possibly until the 3rd day of high temperatures just to really be sure I ovulated. We were assuming that he had a normal sperm count, if you know your husband has a low sperm count then you should be doing it every other day rather than every day.

    It was exhausting and a very different kind of lovemaking because it was more of a duty than the spontaneous moments we were used to. We did it 8 days in a row up until the day before ovulation and we used PreSeed (a sperm friendly moisturizer which I called sperm food) every time. There were plenty of swimmers to meet my egg and the rest is history.

    Before writing yourself off as having a fertility issue, really consider charting. I reccomend “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” as it is a secular book written by a MPH. Other Natural Family Planning books might have a more religious slant to them, which is fine with me since I am Catholic and I happen to agree with the slant, but I know it is not for everyone. The only thing is that here and there in TCOYF there is a little anti-doctor rant because apparently doctors don’t know anything about charting and med schools are heavily biased against teaching anything positive about natural methods for conception and contraception.

    I am happy to answer any questions about charting if you are interested. Good Luck!

    #16496
    amykamyk
    Participant

    Wow, that’s quite a story. Just wanted to second the storknet recommendation. The pregnancy journals are also really helpful if you’ve never been through it before…they tend to be a little God-heavy for my taste, but they were very reassuring.

    amy

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