February 15, 2013 at 8:08 am #140576
I’m so happy to find this site! I feel so lonely sometimes bc I want to have female friends but I feel like I can’t relate at all (nor can they relate to me) to SAHMs. I work part time to try to have a career & also be a mom. Most SAHMs I meet seem so uneducated & talk about petty things. I work with male physicians; the rest of the female employees are nurses, receptionists, etc so I haven’t found any close female friends there. Any of you feel the same way? Feeling like you have no female friends you can really relate to?February 16, 2013 at 6:29 pm #140598annie501Participant
I love my SAHM friends. They are my favorite friends. They have a ton of flexibility in their schedule, so they can usually be free when I am free. They research stuff (i.e. science projects to do with kids, schools in the area, events around town, etc.). They know how to cook, can, garden, and sew, and I am a beginner at all of it. Some of them also have kids older than mine, so they are just a great resource to ask about potty training, discipline, teaching reading and writing.
I also love them all as people, and love to talk about ideas, childhoods, books we’ve read, husbands, kids, etc.
Keep looking! I hope you find someone you click with!February 16, 2013 at 9:42 pm #140600
I’m sorry, I was venting when I wrote this & I couldn’t delete the post after writing it….
I do know some really great SAHMs. I get frustrated at a mom’s parenting group I go to once a wk. Not all the women are uneducated, petty, etc. it just seems like the few that are dominate group discussions. My main struggle is that I feel as if my friends don’t understand what it’s like to work outside of the home & have to be a mom. Also taking care of patients’ personal issues is challenging & stressful.
But yes many SAHMs are very resourceful & truly ate great moms. I apologize for being so critical.February 16, 2013 at 10:24 pm #140601clee03mParticipant
I also wanted to say that you just haven’t found the right group. I have finally found a group where the women are smart, fun, and not judgemental. The group has a nice mix of stay ats and work outsides. I hang with SAH’s on my days off and post call days and meet with work outside home moms on weekend and nights. So if you don’t like your group, keep looking!
This is not to say some of them have no clue about what I go through. We recently read a book about a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, and one of the moms said being a mom is the hardest thing and that this woman came off like a complainer. She said, “what’s hard? Being sick and pregnant and still have to carry around your toddler.” My internal response was doing a 24 hour shift where the patients were all very sick all the while being sick and pregnant, coming home to a toddler who won’t come to you because you went to work, then finally changes his mind and wants to be carried around when you are finally ready to pass out. That is hard. But I kind of kept that to myself.February 16, 2013 at 10:35 pm #140603
I love your insight. I think that would help finding some working moms to hang out on the wknd with. And yes none will quite understand what it’s like seeing patients draining abscesses, hearing about the color sputum someone coughs up & their bowel habits while having morning sickness. It is hard on my days off with my toddler too but in a different way. That’s my biggest frustration just not having anyone that understands what we do. My husband isn’t in medicine and he doesn’t understand either. It would be nice to find a local group of women providers.February 16, 2013 at 11:39 pm #140604AmmaMDParticipant
[quote=clee03m]This is not to say some of them have no clue about what I go through. We recently read a book about a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, and one of the moms said being a mom is the hardest thing and that this woman came off like a complainer. She said, “what’s hard? Being sick and pregnant and still have to carry around your toddler.” My internal response was doing a 24 hour shift where the patients were all very sick all the while being sick and pregnant, coming home to a toddler who won’t come to you because you went to work, then finally changes his mind and wants to be carried around when you are finally ready to pass out. That is hard. But I kind of kept that to myself. [/quote]
The funny thing for me is realizing that I frequently have the same internal reaction to my work colleagues, few of whom have children yet.
And then of course something else will happen – a medical crisis in a parent or in-law, for example – that makes all my own previous worries look smaller by comparison, and I wonder what everyone else is carrying around that I am oblivious to. That said… I truly believe that what we are doing is HARD. And harder than I ever imagined it would be prior to actually being here.February 18, 2013 at 7:53 am #140611asunshineParticipant
I have to say I agree with the PP’s. “Petty” stuff is the stuff of life, and it’s nice to have people to remind me about what’s going on in the rest of the world. My favorite SAHM friends were found through a community group and La Leche, probably because of our (generally) similar socioeconomic status and philosophies in parenting. No worries, you’ll find someone!
And, amen to that, clee!February 19, 2013 at 11:27 pm #140653Docmomof4Participant
Clee-right there with you. I feel that way too, sometimes. But Amma, you are right, everyone has stuff. And everyone’s drive to do things in life is different. I too, have a group of combined SAHm’s and working moms, some full time and some part time. I have a bunch of friends who used to work, stopped when they had kids, and recently reentered the workforce. We have lots of great conversations. You just need to find the right group of women..hang in there!March 4, 2013 at 11:51 pm #140788LisapaParticipant
I understand exactly what you are saying, except from the other side of the fence. I quit my position in electrophysiology as a PA to stay at home with my two babies. My husband and I both feel strongly that it’s the best decision for our family, but I feel lost! Few of the SAHM’s I know have a college education, especially in medicine. I can identify with some SAHM issues, but I want to talk about more than spit up and cooking!
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