Unplanned pregnancy- How would you handle it?

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  • #30301
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    I lifted this discussion topic from another thread and lets try to be civil as we respect different choices a woman may make in this regard.

    If I were in this situation now, I would see the pregnancy through to birth. My SO and I are planning to get married next year, so given that we’ve probably been a little looser with the prevention methods than we should be, we’ve already had this discussion (we’d get married right away).

    I read an interesting article a few years back that stated that premed/medical students/residents women were more likely than women in other careers to choose abortion as a solution to unplanned pregnancy. I don’t know how true this is, but I recall when I was in graduate school one of my classmates being pressured by her advisor to terminate her pregnancy or leave school. The thing is, she was married to another grad student in the department.

    I personally think that people have to make decisions that are best for them and I have no say in what is the right or wrong thing for people to do. For me, abortion isn’t an option but I’ve been lucky that I haven’t had any unplanned pregnancies (for as many risks I took in my 20’s). Even still, I support other women who have or will choose this option. It’s tough no matter how you look at it.

    #30302
    GauriGauri
    Participant

    Its not an option for me either.
    I want a baby. Even if its impractical now. My mom wants me have an abortion….

    #30303
    Doc201XDoc201X
    Participant

    Originally posted by Gauri:
    [b] Its not an option for me either.
    I want a baby. Even if its impractical now. My mom wants me have an abortion…. [/b]

    No offense to Mom, but you have to do what’s best for YOU. I was actually faced with this same situation in my first pregnancy when the doctor’s determined that my daughter would be born extremely mentally disabled (they were wrong – she’s prefectly normal and makes the honor roll in school). My mother also thought I should have an abortion which as out of the question for my ex-husband and I. Unfortunaetly, I didn’t speak to her too much during the remainder of the pregnancy becasue I knew she wouldn’t be supportive. It hurt, but I did what was best for me and my unborn baby.

    It also sounds like you’ll have what I didn’t have in my first pregnancy with my ex-husband and that’s a supportive partner. Believe me, emotional support makes all the difference in the world. It won’t be easy as amed student but looking into the face of a child brings a joy I can hardly describe. As you go along in your pregnancy I admit I’ll be somewhat jealous, but in a good way. Good luck!!

    #30304
    DONOTDELETE ****DONOTDELETE**
    Participant

    Right now? I’m not a med student or doctor, but we’d probably go ahead with it if the baby/fetus were free of serious genetic problems. Only because I’m 35 and it took so long for me to get pregnant last time around. No knowing how long it might take again, or if it’d be possible again. I’d definitely hit up my better-off relatives for help, though, esp. with for paying for daycare for my older daughter. (Yes, we could probably swing it, but it’d mean all saving would stop. I can’t see voluntarily adding money stress to the rest of what we’d have.) And then my hub would get fixed.

    Yeah. I’m not a big fan of buying trouble unnecessarily. Life throws enough our way on its own. But then I’m also much more interested in people who already exist in the world than people who aren’t much past fish stage.

    amy

    #30305
    EM momEM mom
    Participant

    Yippee! Although right now would be terrible timing (I know there is no “good” time…but right would be one of the worst times) I would still be really excited and happy to do it again. I’m sure we’d be hurting for money and my husband would be less than thrilled (at first) but it would all work out.

    Having said that I am very pro-choice because I know how hard it is to have a child and everything that comes with that. I also know that many people aren’t as lucky as I was in having a great support situation and being financially stable. I don’t think I’d choose abortion for myself, but I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone else who thought they were doing the right thing for themselves! (you know the whole “don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes….”)

    So, Gauri, whatever you decide, good luck and it will work out as it is meant to be. And like pathdr2b said, having a supportive boyfriend will make it a lot easier. I certainly wouldn’t let med school stop you from having this baby if you want to have the baby…many others have done it and it is has been a wonderful experience. My best friend had one kid during med school and one during residency and now that she’s an attending she’s thinking about #3. Each stage has had its own unique challenges, but she wouldn’t trade her kids for anything in the world!

    #30306
    myimdmyimd
    Participant

    Picturing *myself* in this young woman’s position…I’d have the baby. Sure, it won’t be easy, but it may not be any easier later. A couple of women had babies while I was in med school, and one graduated valedictorian. So, it’s doable. Medical school is actually (in retrospect) a good time to have a baby for various reasons. Contraiwise, I have a few friends who are only in their early 30’s having difficulty getting pregnant (now that they are finished with residency). They waited, and planned perfectly…only to have their dreams evaporate because of infertility. I’d like to stress that each person must weigh the pros and cons of having babies early. One must consider that as we age our ability to get pregnant declines. For some, that means infertility. Are you willing to take that chance? If your life would be “incomplete” without children, perhaps you’d wanna rank “getting pregnant early” higher. If you’d be able to live, happily, without children…knowing that you sacrificed that option for your career, then waiting longer may be the better option. Some women can get pregnant at 40, some can’t. What sux is you won’t know until it’s too late.

    Sometimes we are told so often that “getting pregnant…BAD…school…GOOD” that when it’s actually *okay* to get pregnant, these teenage teachings surface, and we feel anxious. At least, for me, this was the case.

    #30307
    residentmomresidentmom
    Participant

    My son (13 mos) was a “surprise” in second year of med school. I was married, which is a little different situation, but not if you 2 are serious.

    We were scared as heck at first, and then we just relaxed and began to get excited about being parents. Pretty soon we couldn’t wait to meet him, and now I could not imagine my life without him. Hey, we liked him so much we decided to add to our collection. :p

    Good luck in making a difficult decision. I hope that you and he are able to sit down and decide and that outside pressures don’t get to be too much for you. :crossfingers:

    Do you think your mom will come around? My mom was not thrilled at first (she worried I wouldn’t finish school, I think), but once she saw that the baby wasn’t going to alter my career path, she calmed down. Now she is crazy about him and excited about #2.

    #30308
    DreyDrey
    Participant

    I would absolutely have the baby. It would be a little sooner than expected, but it wouldn’t be impossible, especially if you’re going to school near where you have friends and family. There is no good time to have a baby when you are a physician or becoming one, so my philosophy would be to just adapt whenever one came along. It would be equally hard with work or school, but I’m not willing to give up having children.

    On the other hand, I certainly wouldn’t blame any woman who decided to have an abortion, because that woman is not me, and I am hardly in a position to tell her it’s a bad or immoral choice. Do what your heart tells you! Your mom will come around the first time the kid says “grandma.”

    the doctor’s determined that my daughter would be born extremely mentally disabled (they were wrong – she’s prefectly normal and makes the honor roll in school).

    The doctors said this to my mom about me as well. Now I’m going to medical school. Silly doctors. :p

    #30309
    GauriGauri
    Participant

    Wow….bless you for all your wonderful replies!!! It can feel very lonely and confusing sometimes. I’m gonna fill in some more colour to the story because I am appreciating your words….

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years-before that I was a celibate staying in a temple ashrama. He has 4 kids from various girlfriends ranging from 19yrs-4yrs old. So you can imagine his reputation. He is a good weekend dad to his younger kids (same mom). He is also a recovered drug addict. God – that all sounds terrible. I know him as a sweet sincere solid etc person. Im not naiive (I think) and we are very serious and happy and committed to each other.
    My mom’s concerns are also stability – financial and social.
    I am so sick of feeling this heavy black cloud of worry over me. Last night I chose to deal with this with joy and excitement and happiness for this new gift of life and potentially wonderful turn in my life.
    I have all ready dropped out of medschool in 1995 and now I am totally dedicated and passionate about medicine and finishing it.

    #30310
    AlyssaAlyssa
    Participant

    If this happened to me, I would definitely have the child. I would not get married right away however. I refuse to get married simply because I’m pregnant. I plan on marrying Craig, but not before I am ready.

    I would finish school and med school and all of it as well. Just be a little more dificult you know? There is always some kind of obstacle. :p

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