what a wonderful thing is the end of a string

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  • #116565
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    So I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m chatting with strangers…

    I’ve really enjoyed reading other people’s blogs & diaries, and there seems to be a great benefit in sorting your thoughts out in words, as well as sharing and receiving feedback. That said, feel free to PM me with any feedback.

    Here’s where I am now:

    27
    married 5 years
    one pet
    husband also a student (but not premed!) 🙂

    I’m at a bit of a crossroads right now, which is why I thought I’d get this all sorted out here.

    I’m scheduled to take the MCAT in May, and applying for medical school in June. I’m also recently TTC. So… now I’m thinking of taking a year off between my BS and medical school.

    If I got pregnant right away, I would be okay with going on ahead with this application cycle. But I don’t know if I will. I also don’t want to make all my plans around that, because it may not happen at all (not to be pessimistic, but one never knows). How silly would it be to take a year off for a baby that never comes!

    If I took a year off, I could make my application better, but I think I would get in as it is. It would just be a more solid application given more time.

    Or… I could defer! I’m not sure how possible this is, but I’m thinking I could go ahead and apply, then defer for a year if I do get pregnant somewhere in the application process. But what are the criteria for deferring? Would a new baby qualify?

    So, I’m mulling all this over as I get ready to fill out the application. I’m applying DO, so the application opens next weekend, although I believe we can’t actually submit it until June 1.

    (sigh)

    I want a little emoticon that sighs for me.

    In other news, I LOVE not being on birth control. Extra hormones (and yes, I tried many varieties) make me loopy and dull and moody all at the same time. Ugh.

    That’s all for now! I have work to do – better get on with it!
    :wave:

    #116566
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I am rescheduling the MCAT today, but will still apply this year. That’s my plan for now, anyway. If I take it in July I should have some time to study, while not being terribly late in the application cycle.

    As for the rest of the details, we’ll see how it pans out.

    I really wanted to be one of those people who was totally on top of it and applied right away, but that’s just not reality. I have a lot of other things going on, and am not able to prepare for the MCAT while taking classes, organizing a student trip, working, and taking care of my husband. I could if I had to, but I think I will do much better if I push it back a little bit.

    I’m getting somewhat excited about applying, but I just don’t know what will happen.

    In other news, I have a poster ready to get printed for a research project I’ve been working on, and hopefully will get to keep working on over the summer. I work in a lab with multiple supervisors, all of whom will assign me to their projects simultaneously… They know they do this, and they try to avoid it to some extent, but it still gets tricky. I’m excited about my poster, though! I’ve never done one before. Getting it just right – saying what I wanted to say, proper formats, getting charts out of their native program – was a lot more time-consuming than I expected. But now it’s done!! 🙂

    #116567
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I am really low on motivation right now. Well, not all motivation. But somehow doing the work required to get and A in physics is not appealing to me. I do not like math, and I do not like physics. So, now you know.

    I spent all day working a fundraiser for a student group. I started a club this year. I don’t know why. In addition to disliking math, I dislike being in charge.

    🙂 Wow, am I the downer today, or what?

    I’m just tired. The club’s purpose is to send a group of students to Honduras to set up and staff temporary clinics in rural areas. I think it will be an awesome experience for everyone involved, which is why I work so hard for it. But I’m starting to feel like I have no skill in transferring my vision to others. Is that a skill one can have? How do you motivate someone to do something? How do you get 19-yr-olds to show up for an event they said they’d help with?

    :yes:

    #116568
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    My goodness, that was a negative post. :rotfl:

    I really do hate physics, but it’ll be over soon enough. Mostly I don’t like magnetism. The other subjects aren’t too bad. I’m getting over it. Although I don’t have my exam score yet! I might get gloomy again! 😀

    Anyhow, on with the grind. Heading to school, then to work. It’s my anniversary today, and we really don’t have anything planned. Probably head to a restaurant we go to for special occasions, maybe go out of town for the weekend. At first my husband wanted to do something really nice for this one (5-yr) like a mini-vacation, but then he realized we don’t have any money! 🙂 Ah, the student life.

    Today is an A&P exam, then no more exams until finals!! I can’t wait!!

    That’s about it. I’m feeling much better today, although I am sleep-deprived. :p

    #116569
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    Two more weeks to this insane school year, and I can’t wait.

    We had a death in my husband’s family the week before school started. I realized that it would be hard to handle, but I just didn’t think about how much energy it would take away. It’s not just grieving, and it’s not just the time in planning a funeral. It’s being completely drained. And as soon as I get a grip on myself, then my husband is a wreck. Then it’s figuring out what to do for Christmas, dealing with years of collected things, dealing with family who is also trying to figure it all out. I really had no idea.

    That said, I really need a break and a fresh start. My husband is taking summer classes, which I think is insane, but he actually failed a few courses and wants to graduate on time.

    I wonder sometimes if I would have done anything differently, knowing this year would be like this. I have learned that my way of dealing with things is to immerse myself in work, and my husband’s is to deal with it 5 months later. But what else would I have done?

    Maybe not overwork myself quite as much. I actually took on more than usual, when my husband needed me more. I would have lightened my class load so I could be more supportive of him, and help him get through his grieving more smoothly.

    Oddly enough, I find myself suspicious of death now. I look around at my friends and family, wondering who death will come for next. Seems like there is always another goodbye we should have said. I really can’t imagine saying enough, so I guess I’ll always feel that way.

    I guess I am just grateful for the opportunity to take a break soon. I’ll still be working, but working is so much easier.

    #116571
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I’m taking the MCAT in less than a week! I should be studying. I was… realized that I’m as bad at physics as I feared…

    Anyway, I don’t know. I am unmotivated to study. I finished the miserable school year, successfully led a group of 20 other college students on an international medical mission trip, came back sick (of course), and recovered just in time for the madness of starting a new study at work. I am happy to be done with the school year, though. I feel so relieved to have it behind me.

    I’m glad I didn’t put off applying, although it still remains to be seen how well I do on the MCAT. I am only working a few hours next week, and will spend the rest of the time studying.

    I think about how different my schedule would be if I weren’t married and didn’t work all the time. One classmate told me back in April that he was spending about 20 hours/week studying for the MCAT. That seems totally crazy to me. Maybe I should put more value on tests, but I feel like there is a lot more to life than getting the perfect score. I’m working on my first publication, for example. I’m about the fourth author, but that’s okay! Gotta start somewhere! 🙂

    Anyway, I’ve got to pop into the lab for a couple of hours, then back to studying all day! I’m sending in my application next week as soon as I take the MCAT, just in case I have to run out with a high fever, or a boulder falls on the building or something and I want to void the test.

    Now that I’ve come this far, and have been planning to apply to only osteopathic schools for over 2 years, I’m rethinking that. I guess that’s a discussion for another day, but what a time to be second-guessing things!

    Meh. Off to work, then I’ll let the physics book settle and review chemistry. That should be more productive; I was once very good at chemistry. I have never been good at physics.

    #116572
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    My last goof-off time in front of the computer for a few days! I’m taking the MCAT on Friday, and I’m feeling okay about it. I did a full-length timed practice test today sitting in one place, no water, etc. It was not too bad. It confirmed that I still need to work on physics, but I kind of expected that. :blush:

    Otherwise it was fine! It helped me judge the time involved and how to manage it, and made me feel more confident about chemistry, which is nice.

    So – a couple more hours tonight, then physics all day tomorrow, and then I’ll be set!

    I can’t wait to have this thing done. And then I think I will finally finally clean my house. I think my dad is coming to visit this weekend, so I guess I’d better! Can’t put it off any longer!

    Good luck to anyone else studying for exams! Get some sleep!

    😀

    #116573
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I still have not submitted my medical school application. I need to get on that or decide to wait. One or the other. I think I’ll go ahead and submit. I’ve also decided to submit to both MD and DO programs to feel out the differences better for myself. I’ll probably go DO unless I get into an MD school I absolutely love. I think that’s a good way to balance my indecision. And spending time at the schools will give me a better understanding of what the differences truly are.

    I finally finally was able to relax last night. My husband and I went to a friend’s house and just hung out. It was so nice to just play. I’ve been working long days, including weekends. My dental assistant experience paid off in the animal surgeries we’ve been doing, so I’m there for everything. I do like having the opportunity to use my rusty old skills.

    I feel so much better after having a relaxing evening away from home.

    I still have not had my periods return since quitting birth control in April (sorry if too much information!). I suppose I’ll have to make an appointment to the doctor for follow-up testing. He did hormone tests, which were normal, so I thought I’d wait for a bit to see if things would normalize on their own. I’m about out of patience for that, and since it’s not a new problem, I’d like to find out what’s going on.

    It’s interesting and a little awkward spending a lot of time in the doctor’s office. First off, I don’t know yet how I feel about having a male PCP, because at some point my annual exam time will come around. Also, he’s a doctor I shadowed. I saw that he was a preferred provider on my new insurance and I saw firsthand that he’s an excellent doc, so I made an appointment a few months after the shadowing was done, as my current clinic was not covered by my insurance. I feel like my problems are kind of “women’s issues” that I should talk to women about. This is likely not a unique feeling; I remember it coming up with other patients when I was shadowing. On the other hand, many women were perfectly comfortable with him. I think some of the uncomfortable nature is because I knew him first as a student. The next bit is that I come from a family that did not go to doctors much, so having ongoing care from one doctor is a new experience for me. I’m sticking it out on principle. He really is a good doctor, so I’m going to deal with it. Besides, I’m sure in one way or another I’ll get valuable experience and information from this.

    In other news, I wanted to take a dog home this weekend – a friend wants to get rid of her, and I really like her. But my husband says the dog has issues and the couple getting rid of her has issues, and he doesn’t want a dog that is already “broken.” I guess we don’t need a dog right now, but I really love that dog. I’ve spent time with her before, and wanted to take her home then, too. 🙁

    To everyone who passes this way – I hope you have a fantastic week! 🙂

    #116574
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I’m frustrated. I have not submitted my application. I want to stay home for a year with a baby, but I am not pregnant yet, so I need to just submit this week.

    Now I feel silly for waiting and hoping.

    Next is another decision. Do I go back on some form of birth control? I suppose this will be a discussion to have with the doctor. I imagine he’ll say medical school is very difficult and I don’t want to risk having a child while I’m in the middle of it. But I’m liking being off the birth control. My temperament has improved, and I’m steadily dropping weight. Oh, I feel good. I do want to have children, and my husband is very supportive of the idea and willing to help out.

    Another consideration is all the precautions I take while not on birth control. I guess I’d be healthier if I lived like this. For example, I don’t take any medications unless I really need to, just in case. Fortunately my allergies haven’t been bad this year, so I’ve managed to avoid those medications entirely. I don’t drink often, but that’s not a big change. It’s just more conscious now.

    Got to go to the doctor. Hate going to the doctor. Now isn’t that funny? I’ve never liked seeing the doctor, yet I want to be one… I was like that as a dental assistant, too. Really enjoyed my job, but I did NOT want to be in the chair.

    Well, thanks for listening. It is nice to hash these things out. 🙂

    #116575
    futureMrsMDfutureMrsMD
    Participant

    Hi Melbelle! I just barely started to read your blog… I can understand your frustration with the whole “do I get pregnant now or later?” issue.
    I have a 16 month old at home. If it was up to me, and I was very selfish, I’d be done having kids. My son was a HUGE surprise to DH and me. I guess that’s what happens when you stop taking BC because your OB told you you could never get pregnant unless you were on Clomid. What a stupid thing to say!!!.. and I didn’t know any better. :guilty: Then I thought… “I’ll never have more kids until I’m done with med school”. Well, turns out I had been talking to some co-workers and they say going from 1 to 2 kids is really easy because they play with one another. I figured it’d be helpful to my son to have a buddy to play with at one point, so DH and I can go to school and study. However, for them to play with one another and not be so bored, we’d have to have them close together… and that’s where we are sitting right now. Got my IUD out a couple weeks ago, got AF 2 days later, and I’m supposed to ovulate this week… maybe we’ll both get pregnant around the same time! But if I don’t get pregnant in the next 3 months, then I’ll go back on some sort of BC until next july, then try again.. I don’t ever want to have another child in the middle of finals! :banghead:
    I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!
    Are you sending your application into AMCAS sometime soon? Keep us posted!

    #116576
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    Hi! Boy, that would be a surprise! I do know someone else with one of those surprises, after a doctor told her she couldn’t have children!

    It makes me feel better that someone understands! I feel like I’m working in a tiny ambiguous window.

    Thanks for reading and for the support!

    #116578
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I’ve had a very good day. I got my MCAT results back this morning, and I did well. I was very relieved. My boss took me out to lunch to celebrate. Then I stopped for coffee afterward and my favorite coffee shop gave me a cookie, as I was short and couldn’t get both the coffee and cookie. Yumm. :yes:

    I had a productive day at work, then my husband took me out to dinner. I had a very nice day.

    Then (after a glass of wine to make sure my judgment wasn’t great), my husband asked if I was going to apply this year or next. He wants a baby. And ( 🙂 ) he says he can help take care of a child. He’ll do what he needs to.

    So am I excited?

    I’m not sure. The baby fever was starting to subside and I was getting excited about being career-driven. I’m just one of those people. I want to be doing everything all the time. If I had 200 years to live I know I could easily fill it.

    I think part of the change is probably due to working full-time all summer. I love working. I think I would regret never having kids, but I love working.

    Okay, so here’s my tentative plan: apply for medical school next week. If I get pregnant, see how that goes. Defer if I have to, or just push on through.

    Next decision: MD, MD/PhD, or MD/MPH.

    I think MD/MPH would be most in line with what I want to do and where, but I love working in research. So doing research while going to medical school sounds like a win-win deal. So MD/PhD would leave a lot of options open to me (like academic or research), but options aren’t everything. MD/MPH would be the best fit to actually practicing medicine.

    Okay, MD/MPH.

    See, this isn’t so hard. 🙂

    Of course, we all know I’ll change my mind.

    This has been a most productive evening. And my top two schools have MD/MPH and DO/MPH programs. Definitely winning. 😀

    #116579
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    I am finally relaxing! Yes!!!

    I think I am going to clean my house!

    Yes, I’m a bit cluttery. Hubby is not. He has probably scrubbed the toilet twice in the last 5 years, and the shower once. Never mopped. But my papers on the table? He can’t stand them. What a nut.

    Since he really wants to have kids (and I keep telling him I can’t take care of them and work and do the housework), he’s contemplating the stay-at-home dad role. I’m a little dubious about this. I think he’d be great with kids, but not with things like meals and housework. He says we’ll hire a housekeeper. :rolleyes:

    And I am not pregnant yet. I was about to go back to my doctor when I got my period. Once. Now the second one is late, whatever late is for someone who has always been irregular.

    For the good news, I got my medical school applications off! I applied to 7 schools – 2 MD and 5 DO. I hated writing all those mini-essays about activities (not to mention the personal statement), but it’s done now! Just waiting for secondaries with more mini-essays. I don’t like writing, but I really should get used to it. I think it’s a good skill to have.

    I am recently home from visiting relatives, and happy to be working. Research is going well, and I’m about to start the data analysis for my undergraduate thesis. The evenings are mine, and I’m enjoying them. Tonight we had homemade chile relleno burritos and cookies. Not extravagant, but something that I wanted to make and actually had time to. I really do love to cook. If that monster zucchini is still any good, I’ll make many loaves of zucchini bread tomorrow, and who knows what else! I love having my evenings back!

    🙂

    #116580
    BackatitBackatit
    Participant

    Melbelle,

    I just want to say I stumbled upon your blog and I enjoyed reading every post even the one where you complained of being negative. I have a long way to go but you are inspiring me.

    Thanks for posting.

    Reyana

    #118376
    MelbelleMelbelle
    Participant

    Only time for a quick update today, as I should be making breakfast and coffee instead of sitting at my computer…

    I got my applications done the first week of September. AMCAS has verified me, but AACOMAS is notoriously slow, so nothing from them yet.

    I’m slightly nervous about my applications being in a little late, but I’m trying not to worry about it too much. I received a fee request from Mayo, which I gave them. They don’t do a secondary. I would love to get in there, but it’s a long shot for anyone, and my GPA is not up to their standards. Still, here’s hoping!

    I’m still a little undecided about the MD/DO thing, but I lean toward DO still.

    I applied to 7 schools: 2 MD and 5 DO. I’m not sure if this is enough – I’m going to ask my advisor about it. The upshot is that I’d be happy to go to any of those schools.

    In other news, we just had officer elections for the club that I started last year, and a new group of officers is in! Including a new president! I’m so happy and relieved about that. It’s great to see something I started living on and going strong! It’s also great that I am not in charge anymore. 😀

    My husband has been helping a little more with cooking, which is somewhat promising. He really wants kids (probably mentioned this before), but I told him that I really can’t do all the housework and take care of kids and do the cooking and go to med school. So he’s trying. I’m still very skeptical about having kids right before/during med school, but I’ll be in my late 30’s when I finish residency, and I’m not comfortable with starting then, either. I keep saying I can always take time off if I need to, but I’d really rather not. I just want to get done!

    Sometimes I think I just want to be younger. I have to remember to appreciate the experiences and maturity I have gained. Sometimes, though, I think of how many more options I’d have if I had gone straight through college, known what I wanted to do, and done it. I’d be almost done with residency!

    I like my life, though. When I was younger I never expected that I would want kids. That’s really the complicating factor.

    Okay, I really need to get ready to go.

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