When is the best time to have a baby?

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  • #25646
    Chris146Chris146
    Participant

    Hello everyone, :wave:
    My husband and I are both medical students (MSII’s) and we are trying to figure out when would be the best time to have a baby. There seems to be so much involved with both of us going though this at the same time and being at the same stage in the game. What do you ladies think? We are 28 & 29 years old now and aren’t sure that we want to wait until both of our residencies are over (seems like a million years away 😮 ). It seems as though timing is everything here so we need lots of advice. We know it won’t be easy no matter when we chose to make a little one but of course we’d like to plan well so that it’s as manageable as possible. I figure there’s no better women to ask than you ladies here on MOMMD 🙂 ! Thanks so much!

    #25647
    PremedRNPremedRN
    Participant

    Being that you are already second year, if you got pregnant now, you’d be in yr 3 when the baby would be born, so when the babies 1 yr, it will be your first year of residency. I, personally feel during the infant/preschool years is when the kids need you the most and I also have found that is when you yearn to be with the little precious thing the most too. After having him or her, you may find yourself not wanting to go back in order to be with your child. That can be difficult considering the profession. My advice would be to wait. Get pregnant your last year of residency and time it for when you are finished. You will still be withing the child bearing years. Save yourself the guilt.
    Had you said you were going to enter med school next year, my response may not have been the same since the child would be about 5 when residency starts, and will be going to school. I guess there will always be some amount of guilt, but that is the experience of all or most mothers every single day.
    Anyway, this is just my opinion which doesn’t usually agree with everyone elses! 😀

    #25648
    myimdmyimd
    Participant

    Chris,

    This is a hot topic on this site. If you browse thru some of the other topics here…such as the “unplanned pregnancy” thread, and the medical student forum, I’m sure you’ll find a wealth of information!! 😉 It seems as though the general consensus is “do it when it’s right for you.” No one can tell you what’s best for you. Medical school has certainly worked very well for many of us. Residency has worked for some as well. For me, taking a break after internship (before residency) was the way to go. :yes: Caring for a baby is very difficult to do alone…and eases proportionally with the amount of support you’re able to obtain. If it’s just you and your husband against the world (i.e. no parents/friends in the area) one of you will have to compromise (perhaps more than you realize, and more than you’re willing to). But, like I stated in previous topics…waiting may prove disheartening as well, as I have a few friends who are having difficulty getting pregnant in their early 30’s. This is why it’s so important to make the decision carefully, and for yourself…because ultimately (at the end of the day, in your quiet time) you’ll have to answer to yourself. :scratchchin:

    #25649
    Chris146Chris146
    Participant

    Thanks for the replies ladies. I am searching the other threads to get some more info, I just posted here so that I might get some specific thoughts. We want to have 2 children and we don’t want to wait too long due to our ages. I know many people are having children later in life but we don’t want to worry about the risks. I’ll be 31 when I graduate and ~35 when I finish residency. So we are trying to figure out the timing for both pregnancies. We were thinking to have the first baby during fourth year. Has anyone out there done this? I’d love to know what your experiences were. How did you handle it all? How did your school help out? Did you have to alter your schedule? I really want to graduate on time and do this too. Any advice would help. Thanks so much!

    #25650
    YearstogoYearstogo
    Participant

    This is a tough issue for everyone. However, since you’re still in the thinking/planning stage, one thing you might want to think about is matching to the city where you would have the most family support. After a baby comes they might be able to provide some crucial support, giving you back-up to help out with the erratic schedules of residency.

    Before our children were born, I thought that having my in-laws in town was maybe too close for comfort, but since the children came, our relationship has really deepened, and I love seeing them interact with my kids so much (and help us out babysitting to boot). Having them around and having a good relationship with them takes some of the pressure off my husband and me, allowing us to just enjoy our children more.

    As for WHEN you actually have children … obviously I’m in the sooner rather than later camp (I won’t finish medical school for some years yet), but that has to be up to you. There is a lot to be said for being in a more stable part of your training, e.g. finished, when you have your children, but on the other hand that clock can tick rather loudly, can’t it!

    Cindy

    #25651
    FPmommyto2FPmommyto2
    Participant

    I really see your dilemma. As someone who had to deal with infertility, “waiting too long” scares me.

    However…We had our first about 4 months after I finished residency (I was only 29, though). I am so grateful I had that time, and wasn’t trying to parent as a resident. I have a good friend who had her first during her 4th year of med school, and suffered. She felt horrible about how little she got to be home (and she did FP) when her son was little. She’s now 38, so she was 32 when she had him. She had her 2nd right after residency grad, and her 3rd 3 years later.

    No one can tell you when it will be best. Someone once told me, “there’s no good time to have kids when you’re a doc,” its just that some times are better than others. Whenever you do it, you’ll love it, and you can find a way to make it possible. Some people have found ways to job share residency slots – which is really attractive if you don’t mind taking forever to graduate :laughing:

    #25652
    residentmomresidentmom
    Participant

    I think I have said this like a million times, but once more…

    My son was born in September of third year, and my second is due in April of this (4th) year. My husband is also in my class.

    There were times when it was tough, like during surgery (he was on OB/Gyn), and we had to depend on help from our friends and family. But mostly he is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. This year is a lot easier, and since my husband has 2.5 months off, he will be “Mr. Dad” while I finish the 2 weeks I will have left after delivery.

    My school is very good with families and has been very accomodating… I got to move my 2 months off from 4th year to 3rd, and if I miss time this year I will be allowed to rotate in May before graduation to make it up (although I don’t anticipate I will need to). All of the departments have been great about letting us set our call up not to coincide, and I have not had problems taking a day off when he is sick.

    I hope this gives you some insight into life as a med student with a new baby… I am sure others will chime in as well. Good luck. :wave:

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